Wed Feb 25 2004
VidaliaCDC

*squashing plot bunnies*

No, NO, and NOOOOO ....

Must NOT look at the bare foot hobbit ....

Must not think about hobbits in the backyard with the Jack Russell and the cocker spaniels ....

Janne .... eeeeek!

No more ....

*thump thump thump*

Die plot bunnies! Die!

JanneCDC

giggle

I am now picturing Vidalia dancing about over the grass after the plot bunnies, mallet in hand...

MacNairCDC

Are you sure she's not just CHASING those hobbits about?

>weg<

VidaliaCDC

*indignant glance*

"Moi? Chase hobbits?!?!!?"

*slides ale keg and steins under the table with her boot*

"Never catch me baiting for hobbits ...."

Didn't say I wouldn't exactly ... just said ya wouldn't catch me!

*weg*

MacNairCDC

**rumble**rumble**rumble**rumble**rumble**

"This way!"

"No, THIS way!"

"I'm tellin' ya, Mr. Frodo--this is the way to go!"

"No, no, Sam. Don't you see that girl with the net by that bush?"

"Oh, silly me! Okay, let's run this way!"

"VI-DAL-IA! They're headed your way, chica!" shouted MacNair, putting down her net.

"I'm all over 'em ... er ... I'm all over it!" Vidalia slid the ale keg into plain view and stacked the steins hastily.

A new voice entered the excited atmosphere, sounding quite calm given the circumstances.

"Are you trying to catch a hobbit?" asked Aragorn.

MacNair nearly leaped out of her socks. Thankfully, she wasn't wearing any or it could have been tricky. There's nothing so embarrassing as to be tripping over your socks while on the way to catching something. "Gol-darn, King! Sneaking up on me like that?"

"Sneaking?"

"SNEAKING! Sneaking! Always sneaking about!"

"Careful, dear, you're beginning to sound like Gollum."

"Well," she flipped her hair out of her eyes. "As long as I don't look like him."

"Back to my question: are you trying to catch a hobbit?"

"Why, yes, I am ... I'm trying to catch four of them."

Aragorn looked startled. "Four of them? Prithee tell me you've not imbibed any ale this morning?"

"Vidalia's got the ale, though she prefers Merlot."

"Merlot? What is that?"

"Later, King, la-ter. What about those hobbits?" (MacNair made a mental note that Aragorn must be introduced to Merlot at the earliest possible convenience ... preferably later that evening ... in the company of a great number of CDCers.)

"I don't think you really want to be catching FOUR of them. One hobbit is quite enough row to hoe. Four of them is ... quite a hobbit pile, if you catch my meaning."

MacNair looked perplexed, then looked blankly over Aragorn's left shoulder, where Legolas materialized without a sound. The sweeping curve of the great bow extended past the height of both mortal and the elf. It was worth noting that Aragorn did not flinch when Legolas spoke close to his shoulder, so attuned were these two to each other.

"What mystery is this, Aragorn?" Legolas surveyed the fleeing hobbits. "The hobbits fly, though I see no threat. And you stand at ease, with sword sheathed?"

"These girls are trying to catch them, it seems."

Legolas looked dubiously at MacNair, and then down the slope to Vidalia, who was hiding behind the ale keg and trying to peek out at the same time. "Surely, you jest!"

"Nay, my Elvin friend, I do not jest. They are trying to entrap all four of them."

"Do they not know what will happen if they catch four hobbits---"

"I tried to tell her...."

Legolas looked amused. "This one and her conspirator are not known for listening to instructions...."

"I'm going to instruct you with the heel of my foot, if you don't quit nattering on!" muttered MacNair.

"The surest way to catch a hobbit--" began Legolas, thoughtfully.

"---Lego-las-s-s," warned Aragorn.

"Now, now ... according to the other citizens dwelling here, these mortals have ... ahhh ... experience in dealing with ... well ... with the results of a hobbit pile."

"I have heard they have experience with an Elf pile as well."

The amused smile disappeared. "I know nothing of what you speak, Aragorn."

"Have you any virtue left?" calmly inquired Aragorn.

"At least I arrived with virtue."

"Hey!" protested Aragorn.

"I'm going to kick you both in the 'virtue' if you don't help us with those hobbits!" growled MacNair.

Aragorn scowled at Legolas, and the Elf scowled back.

"The surest way to catch a hobbit is with mushrooms," quietly said Legolas. "And there is a patch by yonder oak unless Merry found it."

"HA!" shouted MacNair. "Vidalia! Run up here!"

VidaliaCDC

At MacNair's command, Vidalia vaulted quickly from behind the keg. She blew by the trio in her mad dash towards the stand of oaks.

Don't look at the King and for heaven's sake DON'T look at the Elf, she admonished herself as she flew past the King and the Elf. MacNair was arguing with them both.

Vidalia's eyes scoped the grounds under the huge oaks. There under the stoutest tree sat Merry, busily munching away on the mushrooms she'd planned the evening menu around. Mushrooms made a wonderful main course, after all mushrooms were right up there with Merlot and mangoes. The loveliest things in life started with 'M'. Vidalia crept silently around the tree trunk ... creeping ever so much closer until she was right behind the curly blonde mushroom eating hobbit.

With a shout of, "BONSAI!" she pounced!

*Whooompa*

The breath left Merry's body.

"EEEE! MacNair! I got one," Vidalia trilled, clasping and wrestling the wriggling hobbit about his knees.

"Aiyeeeeeeee" MacNair's victory cries replaced the scowls on the face of the King and the Elf.

With another whoop and holler, she sprinted up the hill followed closely by a King and an Elf.

Meanwhile under the oak tree ..... A genuinely upset Merry shouted at the girl holding him about his knees,

"Hey now girlee let me go! Let me go!" The indignant hobbit demanded while twisting about.

Merry wasn't about to gladly suffer the indignity of being pounced by a mortal female even if she was kinda cute with her face all smashed into the clover.

*Ploink*

*Ploink*

*Ploink*

"Ow ... ow ... OW!"

"Mac-NAIR!!! "HELP!!! He's pelting me with mushrooms!" Vidalia glowered at the mushroom lobbing hobbit.

I should lock them in the dungeon with V.

No they'd probably like that.

I should lock them all in the garage with Ennaj and her explosives! Ha! That'd fix 'em!

"Harebrained hobbit, don't waste our mushrooms! I was going to prepare those with garlic and butter"

"Not your mushrooms, silly girl--they're mine!" Merry twittered, twisting about.

"Greedy hobbit!"

Vidalia wanted ever so much to feel elated at capturing the hobbit ...,

but somewhere in the back of her mind ...

a niggling thought was worming it's way to her .....

that just possibly her catch ....

had been just a wee bit too easy.

Finally ... she thought with some trepidation ...

Just when life was looking cheery ...

Merry spun his hobbit body wildly while Vidalia clung onto his knees for dear life. She landed on her back with Merry's knees entirely too close to her nose, trying to spit out a mouth full of clover.

Methinks something stinks and it's not just these grubby furry feet," she reasoned uneasily.

Gazing up into the branches of the towering oak .....

Sometimes, she thought, I really hate being right .....

For there, in the lowest branch, of the oak tree perched the other three hobbits with serious intent in their huge eyes ....

Vidalia stared up at them ....

They in turned, stared down at her .....

This is gonna hurt, Vidalia thought.

"NOW!!!" Frodo's voice commanded.

With a collective yawp, the three leapt lightly from their lofty perch in a shower of leaves and acorns.

Vidalia and Merry cushioned their landing.

It was a lovely pile.

Ooooo my first hobbit pile, Vidalia thought, aquiver with secret delight.

Chaos reigned as the four hobbits each with their own agenda began a war to cease the struggling of the female who held on determinedly to Merry.

Vidalia tussled on, twisting this way and that, sneezing when Pippin's foot waved under her nose.

"Hey no sneezing on the feet,"

"It's not my fault! Move your frelling foot from under my nose."

"The knees! Watch the knees!"

"Ha! Ya furry footed little imps!"

"Oooo lookit out she's getting mad!"

"Merry, where are the mushrooms?"

"She took them!"

"Search her!"

"Hey, no fair! Somebody better read me my rights!"

"MacNair where are yooooooooooooooooooooooooou?"

"Watch it Pippin ... that is NOT a mushroom! Merry what ARE you doing? Hey no fair two on one! I am NOT a chew toooooyeeeee." Her words were cut off as Merry and Pippin redoubled their efforts to liberate the mushrooms.

Vidalia nipped at the first bare patch of skin she could get her teeth on.

"Owwwwwwwwwwww! I've been bitten!" Samwise yelped.

"Are these females poisonous, Mr. Frodo?"

The wriggling continued on Vidalia heard footfalls in the thick clover draw closer. Jerking her head up she collided with the very hard head of Samwise.

For a split second Vidalia's brown ones regarded Sam's blue eyes, until the world around her tilted crazily and singing stars and baby orcs appeared before her eyes dancing dizzily around her head.

"Quick, Sam, your cloak!" Frodo's voice once again sounded sparking a stunned Samwise into action.

Sam tossed his cloak.

Vidalia was totally engulfed in something huge and pliable.

The hobbits pounced pinning the stunned Vidalia under the cloak.

"What are we going to do with her now, Mr. Frodo?"

"Sam, we'll hold he here until the King arrives--he can decide."

"We don't have to wait long."

The hobbits raised their eyes to see MacNair with reddened cheeks puffing over the crest of the hill follow closely by the King and Legolas who were not winded at all. Mayhap they were much more use to traipsing about steep hills seeking out hobbit mischief.

The threesome stopped and looked down at the hobbits hastily scrambling to their furry feet.

"What did you cuties do with Vidalia?" MacNai,r in protective mode, uttered between gasps.

The hobbits stood their ground under MacNair's fierce gaze.

"Vidalia?" MacNair's concerned voice floated to Vidalia through the thick fibers of Sam's cloak.

"You Ok under there?"

"Uh hmmmm ...Me precious! Me precious!"

"My Lord?" Frodo spoke up.

"Yes, Frodo?" The King's voice sanity amid the madness.

"What shall we do with this one."

The King sighed, "Loose her."

MacNair bent and gingerly lifted the corner of Sam's cloak, "It's okay, sis, come on out."

Vidalia crawled out from under the cloak on her hands and knees, blinking as her eyes accustomed themselves to the sunlight. The baby orcs and singing stars vanished to reveal a pair of fine-tooled leather boots attached to long muscular legs. As Vidalia's eyes traveled upwards, the flush that was staining her throat began to rise and travel in unison with her gaze until she was glowing bright red to the roots of her hair and her jaw dropped to her chest.

Dark, mildly annoyed eyes regarded her as his long dark hair tossed about in the breeze.

MacNair tugged Vidalia's arm pulling her to her feet to stand before the King all the while brushing the clover from her hair and re-buttoning her blouse and closing her gaping mouth with a finger tip,

"Aragorn, might I present our clansib, Vidalia?"

A slow smile replaced the agitation on his face.

His eyes regarded her more kindly, "I am delighted to meet thee Vidalia."

"Bubububububu ...," Vidalia responded valiantly.

MacNair sighed and poked her clansib with her pointy elbow. She was certain Vidalia would regain her intelligence but not before she had made a complete idiot of her self.

What is it about tall, dark, brooding, moody, long haired men? One look and her smarts disappeared and evaporated in direct proportion to the rise of her libido.

Shaking herself from her thoughts Vidalia bowed her head and spoke the only words that she could,

"Mushroom, my lord?"

MacNair moaned.

The King raised an eyebrow.

The hobbits broke into argument.

The Elf smiled.

~finis~ (for now!)