Anniversary Present

 

 

Disclaimer:  The characters of Methos, Richie Ryan, Connor MacLeod, and Duncan MacLeod belong to DPP. This fan fiction is for entertainment only; there is no profit involved.

Anchor links to individual stories:

On Checking Immortal Recuperative Powers... Adult Themes
Striped Cats
Vidalia's Induction Par-TAY
Catching A Shark Adult Themes
Communing With Nature Adult Themes
Bad Hat Day
On The Way To The Fall Picnic Adult Themes
Pretzel Highlander
Why Me?

Anniversary Present

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Fade in)

Lahoffy stomped out of the CDC house grumbling to herself and headed for the hills, hoping a nice long tramp would help those pesky homicidal thoughts go away.

She marched into the field behind the compound, glaring so ferociously that the long grass seemed to part before her in fright.

"Grrrrr. Lunkheaded, aggravating, stupid bloody men... oooh, MY!"

She stopped dead in her tracks, stunned into immobility. And incoherence.

"Whaaa? uh..."

Lounging in the long grass was Methos, as relaxed and elegant as a prince sprawled on a particularly comfortable throne. Though it would have to be a very informal court, Lahoffy mused with the small part of her brain that was still functioning, considering the way his shirt was open and sliding off his shoulders and...

Oooh, God, bare feet! With a mental whimper, she dragged her eyes up the long denim covered legs, her troubles completely forgotten. By the time her gaze reached his lean, smoothly muscled chest, she was feeling quite lightheaded, having neglected to breathe after she'd got to his thighs...

Frantically sucking in some oxygen, Lahoffy finally managed to look higher than Methos' neck. And was promptly so distracted by the mischievous smile and wicked eyes that her knees turned to jelly and she sank to the ground in front of him.

"Darling, Lahoffy" he purred. "I've been waiting all morning for you."

Oh. Mmm. That *voice*! Lahoffy swallowed hard and forced her scrambled brain to remember how to talk. In words of one syllable...

"Uh. Why?"

"To give you your anniversary present of course."

"Anniversary?" squeaked Lahoffy. Wow, five syllables. Maybe if she didn't look below his eyes, she'd be able to keep her mind from doing a complete meltdown... "But it isn't!"

"Oh, it's bound to be an anniversary of something. Or, didn't you want your gift?"

Though obviously not if he kept talking. And his eyes weren't really helping either, not when they were all bright and melty like that...

"G-gift?"

"Mmmmm. Me," he breathed. "Want to start unwrapping?"

And Methos smiled like an angel who hadn't fallen so much as jumped (and loved every minute of his descent) and pulled Lahoffy down into the grass beside him...

Meltdown.

(Fade out)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

by JanneCDC

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On Checking Immortal Recuperative Powers...

This story takes place the morning after a drunken beer party.

Duncan, looking well-worn, poured himself a glass of hair of the dog at the breakfast bar. Connor came sauntering into the room looking very pleased with himself ... except something wasn't quite right.

"Morning, Duncan. Feeling a bit under the weather?" Connor smirked.

Duncan's sight began to clear from the previous night's folly. "Connor, What happened to you? Your hair!"

Connor chuckled, "Well, after you and Rich passed out; the old man curled up with his thermostatically controlled beer dispenser."

"AND?!"

"Well, the ladies and I were sitting around talking about the threesome, foursome, etc schedule."

"AND?!"

"Well, someone had to stand up for us immortals and settle the debate about recuperative powers."

"AND?!"

"I settled the debate."

"All of them?!"

Connor walked away with a smirk on his face.


Methos entered the room to find Duncan still standing behind the breakfast bar in shock.

"What's got your kilt knotted today, MacLeod?"

"Connor had his way with the ladies."

"And what, pray tell, is new about that?"

"All of them at once."

"Really? Hmm, fifteen? I haven't done that since..."

"Methos!"

"Jealous, MacLeod? It's not our fault you didn't have the good sense to die in your teens."


Rich entered the kitchen to find a befuddled Duncan slowly cleaning the kitchen counter in a circular fashion. Rich sat down and poured himself a glass of juice. He studied Duncan until finally his teacher acknowledged him. "Are you ok, Mac?"

"Fine, Rich, Just fine."

"Good. I was worried being 'past your prime' might be getting you down."

Rich ran from the room followed closely by the sponge Duncan was using.


Connor glided down the staircase with the grace only a 500-year-old man could muster. His hair was repaired from its previous dishevelment and he wore his favorite pair of button-fly jeans, a soft blue shirt that only served to highlight his eyes, and, of course, the ever-present trench and tennies.

As he reached the landing, he tucked MacNair and lahoffy each under an arm. "Now, you two will be gentle with him, won't you?" he smirked.

lahoffy reached for her halo and MacNair smacked his shoulder in response just as Methos rounded the corner with Ennaj and k'lynn in tow. "Connor, you ready to take our little imps to the circus?" Upon catching sight of the two ladies he added, "And are you ladies ready for your own circus?"

k'lynn floated over to Connor and gently pulled at his hair. "Connie, whre youz clwn closths? Mez dress yous up pretie."

Connor leaned over the little imp and replied, "You dressed me up too well. You wouldn't want them to keep your Connie, would you?"

"Silly, Connie! Youz mine!"

The two men turned back to the clansibs. "Now, you girls have fun today."

"We will! We thought we'd start with towel boy and work our way down the list."

Rich ran into the room, "Oh, he's ready! We'd better get out of here before he realizes we've punked him!"

MacNair leaned up to give Connor a kiss goodbye. "Thanks, dear."

Connor winked at her, "Anything to further Duncan's education."

Methos followed Connor out the door, "Not to mention: anything to teach him he doesn't know everything about women."

Just as the door closed, Duncan appeared complete with smudge, leather, and long hair.

haydencdc
July 23, 2003

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>^.^< The Striped Cats >^.^<

"You ought."

"I oughtn't"

"You ought."

"I oughtn't."

"You OUGHT!"

"Oughtn't."

"OUGHT!"

"Ough--OWW!"

"You, kind sir, o-u-g-h-t. And if you keep quibbling with me, I'm going to kick you in the shin again."

*glare*

*snarky look leveled right back.*

"I kind of like Duncan stewing over a perceived slight towards me."

"I've quite had enough of Duncan stewing, you liking it, and it all over a 'perceived' slight towards you. Vidalia's been amongst us all this time and you've never straightened this out." *glower* *lean closer* "She's about to be CLAN and it's time this was settled."

*silence*

"Don't make me settle it FOR you."

"Okay, okay, okay. I'll settle it with Duncan."

"Good." *brushes hands together*


On Wednesday, Connor spent ten minutes over his toast and coffee chuckling to himself. Methos, wisely, did not ask--but Duncan did.

"What's so funny, Connor?"

"Vidalia."

Duncan scowled and asked nothing more, not even when he finally noticed that Connor had whistled the whole time he mucked out the shed that housed the sheep at night. When the elder Scot finished, he took a run at the wooden fence and catapulted over it by one hand on the top rail.

"He's been feeling his oats," laughed Richie. "I haven't seen him do that since the last clipboard experiment on him."

"Don't remind me," quipped Methos from a sunny spot near the pool. "They kept me awake all night."


On Tuesday, Connor chuckled some more over breakfast and sported a decidedly untidy look. The debauchery was evident in the untucked shirt, the slovenly hair, and the unshaved cheeks. He had a bandage on one thumb. Duncan stared at it as if it blinked on and off like a twinkle light.

"What happened to you?? pointedly asked Duncan.

"Oh ... just Vidalia," replied Connor.

Duncan scowled again and busied himself with his cereal. Connor never even seemed to notice Duncan's irritation. He whistled through washing seven vehicles in 97-degree heat and just laughed when Richie roared up on his bike and settled a coat of dust over three of them. The elder Highlander washed them again and Duncan watched him through the window: all elbows and bare feet, white foam and waterdroplets.

Connor hand waxed Vidalia's 510 pickup until it gleamed enough to hurt his eyes.

"I bet your shoulders ache after that," soliloquized Duncan when his kinsman came in the kitchen.

Connor paused after a long pull from a beer. "I'm sure it will be worth it." He went back to guzzling the cold brew, completely missing Duncan's exasperated sigh.


On Thursday, Connor didn't chuckle over breakfast. He didn't even show up for breakfast and Duncan hunted through the main house in a fruitless search for his clansman, carrying a bowl of oatmeal. "Hey--your oats are getting cold!" he shouted. He knew Connor liked them hot. The elder man ate them every day, on his feet, just as he did as a boy in the Highlands.

But today, there was no answering shout. Duncan even checked the hillside to see if he'd gone for an impromptu run.

"Where is Connor?" he asked Richie.

"No idea."

"Where is Connor?" he asked lynnann.

"He's not with k'lynn; I just snuck her a box of pipe cleaners, colored sand, and alphabet soup."

"For breakfast?"

"She thinks she's going to kindergarten again and she wants to work on her letters."

"Oka-a-ay."

Duncan didn't locate Connor until 1:22 pm, long past the time that he scraped the cold oatmeal down the drain and whirrrrred the garbage disposal to grind it up. Long past even the time he tossed the ham and tomato sandwich he'd made for Connor in the trash. Past his searching and teeth grinding and slamming of the stall doors as he shook out fresh bedding for the horses.

"Where the hell have you been? I've turned the place upsidedown searching for you," demanded Duncan.

Connor winced and held his head. "Must you shout? I'm not deaf, you know."

"You must have been, for all the calling I did for you."

"Did you check the dungeon?"

"The dungeo--" Duncan bit the word off at the end with a scowl of comprehension. "Let me guess: Vidalia."

Connor looked impish. Then staggered and had to put a hand on the wall. "Man, I'm tired. I need some sleep." He leveled a bleary look at Duncan's face. "Why were you so worried about me, anyway? You could tell no strange immortal was in camp."

"I know there wasn't, but ... still ..." The darker Scot trailed off his words, feeling foolish.

"I'm goin' to bed," slurred Connor, and he wobbled away up the staircase and down the hall.

Duncan noticed that he crashed in lahoffy's room. "At least I know he's with someone I trust, tonight. Sort of."


Friday morning was clear and bright. hayden and MacNair bustled around watering plants, while lynnann opened all the cross windows for the cool morning breeze. Duncan watched lahoffy's door--which remained shut. He watched all morning, even past 10 am when everyone bustled and shut the drapes on the sunny side of the house, closed the windows, and set the air conditioning.

Finally, at last, the door opened. Connor emerged, looking disheveled and tired.

"I see lahoffy put you through your paces," chuckled Duncan as he took in his friend's appearance.

"Yeah, her too."

"Her ... too?"

"Vidalia and lahoffy decided on a tag-team approach." He slugged down a glass of orange juice from the refrigerator and juice trickled down the corners of his mouth. He wiped them off with the corner of his striped sleep shirt. "They were almost too organized. They nearly had me down."

Duncan scowled and looked away.

"What's eating you?" gruffly asked Connor. He prodded Duncan on the arm with one finger. "Usually you're full of bedevilment when the girls nearly get the best of me."

"Vidalia."

Connor smiled and his eyes crinkled at the corners. "What about her?"

"She waltzed in here and caught us all unawares and escaped before we could detain her. Next thing I know, she's got Methos staggering drunk up in the attic, she's got you chained up to the wall in the dungeon--what's next? Shall we all blissfully put our heads and hands in stocks and never mind the danger?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, kinsman! It isn't about her sneaking in here--hell, METHOS snuck in here when he arrived! You found him drinking beer exactly one foot off your radar range the first time! He even had his damned feet in the pool!

"And lynnann, she just snuck across when the girls moved ... like she'd hitched her wagonload of possessions onto Cinnamonbear's last load! Janne read a story and showed up with an evil twin!" The elder Scot squinted into Duncan's face. "This isn't about Vidalia sneaking in--even Denise and imnxtc snuck in. What addles you is that she escaped your clutches and NO woman escapes your clutches."

Duncan harrumphed directly into his face. "It's more than that."

"She oogled me in the night."

Duncan canted an eyebrow at him. "There's that, too."

"As if I didn't know I was being oogled..." snorted Connor.

"You KNEW?"

"Of course I knew!" He swatted Duncan across the arm. "You think I don't register an oogle in the middle of the night in hope it might lead to something MORE? And you, you lame brain, you chased her off!"

"She ... I ... you ... but when ... how did ... wait a cotton picking minute, you numbskull!"

Connor poked a stiffened forefinger into his chest. "She was invited. She crept in because she was afraid. She brought gifts! Including one for k'lynn, which automatically puts her in a special category. She paused to oogle me and, if she hadn't felt so timid, might have snuck in for a peck on the cheek! She twirls super-soakers on her fingers and has contests with hayden ... what more did you want?"

*silence*

*a sigh*

"You're right. I've nursed a bit of a grudge. She caught me off guard and I felt like I'd failed the protection of the Clan."

Connor chuckled. "I saw her at the doorway. She didn't buzz, she wasn't immortal, and she didn't have a sword. All I saw was two large eyes and a lot of drool."

Duncan harrumphed again.

"And a sigh. She sighed, too," added Connor. "Like she wished she could belong to us, but was afraid to ask. And now, the girls have asked her formally and she is about to become a full member of this Clan." He aimed a look directly into Duncan's eyes. "And she feels like she belongs here, but worries a bit about you and your forgiveness."

"Okay, okay, I get the point." Duncan took a deep breath. "You're right, I'm sure you know. It hasn't been Vidalia at all. It's been me---I need to quit blaming her for some perceived failure in my guarding ability."

Connor slung a long arm around his kinsman. "You didn't fail anyone, Duncan. How could you fail when no one has been hurt?" *pause* "Except for us giggling our rears off at her antics and my thumb nearly being bitten off..."

"She bit your thumb off?" protested Duncan, pulling away.

"Nearly. I said nearly, you lummox! She told me to hold still and ... I ... uh ... almost couldn't!" Connor grinned. "You would have lost three fingers in THAT deal!"

"Hey!"

"Heh!"


Saturday morning dawned brighter and more brilliant than usual--typical for a Clan Induction Par-TAY day. The girls could barely restrain their joy and Vidalia was pounced upon as soon as she emerged from slumber, treated to a fine breakfast and good coffee, and then trotted off to poolside to lounge for the rest of the day.

"You're the Guest Of Honor. You get to sit and do nothing."

"Nothing? B-but ... nothing at all?" Vidalia protested. A plate of snacks was put on her lap and a drink put in her hand.

"Okay, then," corrected pacem. "You can drool. And oogle. And giggle to your hearts content."

"Oh, well then ... that should keep me busy!" Vidalia beamed back at her soon-to-be-full-fledged-clansister. "But I must say ... this Induction Par-TAY has taken forever to get here!"

"It sure has," lamented lahoffy. "Why, I could have a par-TAY every day!"

"We know," said MacNair.

"We know," said Sharz.

"We know," said Denise. "It would just be fine to stay in the gutter all day!"

"With Duncan..." added lynnann.

"And Connor..." added Janne.

"And a side of Richie and Methos!" laughed Sheeza.

"Good thing those are industrial strength gutters, MacNair," reminded Denise. "And I've been careful to not leave any foot dents on the bottom this time."

"That's because I had them install deeper ones this time," laughed MacNair, no stranger to foot dents in the gutter herself...

~Bang~ went the front door and the CDCers whirled to look and stared! Connor MacLeod strode out to poolside and yelled, "VIDALIA, you wild chick! You're about to become a CDCer! Any last words before your fate is sealed?"

The woman in question sputtered with laughter and protest at the same time.

"I must warn you," continued the wildly dressed Scot. "I have marshmallows stuffed in these pockets and any protest you might want to voice, I can easily take care of!"

*more laughter*

lynnann leaned over to whisper to MacNair: "I bet he doesn't know that k'lynn likely heard those marshmallows go by in his pants and dove in there to gobble them up! There's not a puffy she's met that she couldn't get--he's got nothing but air in those pants. Umm ... besides himself, that is," she tacked on with a sly smile.

MacNair turned her head very slowly and looked at lynnann. "k'lynn can hear marshmallows?"

"Of course. They giggle like marbles, only fluffier sounding."

~Bang~ went the door the second time, but the CDCers were so entangle with Connor's wild garb, his boyish laugh and the rebellious hair, that they didn't even see Duncan until he hit the chair beside Vidalia, UPSIDEDOWN and grinned at her.

"Hey, sneaky. Once we have CDC tacked onto your name proper, do you think we could have a go together in that dungeon of yours? I have to learn all of your secrets so no one else can pull a fast one like that and give me heart failure for a few months!"

*squeak* said Vidalia.

*hoot!* said the CDCers.

"Hey! He's got fancier stripes!" yelled Connor. "That is SO unfair! She's mine, I'm telling you! Mine! She oogled me first!"

"Oh bother," said Vidalia.

"You'll get used to it," called MacNair above the din. "There will be plenty of time to practice soothing them."

~finis~
MacNairCDC

Written in one blistering streak on July 28, 2003 for Vidalia! Welcome home, dearie! Welcome home!

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Vidalia's Induction Par-TAY

MacNairCDC

Denise? Is that you?

So, we're remodeling the dungeon, now? Goodies!

"Oh, Methos? We need that backhoe key..."


VidaliaCDC

*Methos politely handed ... the backhoe key to MacNair*

Vidalia's jaw dropped to her chest, "Methos, why did you just hand MacNair the backhoe key?"

He shrugged, "She asked for it?"

Vidalia rolled her eyes in exasperation,

"I will never understand you! From the moment I got here, you have been desperately vying to get the key from hayden and now you just hand it to MacNair, no fight no fuss?!"

"Maybe I'm mellowing," he spouted, slumping further down into the pool chair.

Vidalia thought a moment and then with a gasp she reached over and poked Methos soundly in his ribs, "You had a copy made, didn't you?"

A sardonic grin danced fleetingly across his mouth, "The same day I had an extra set of *your* truck keys made."

"Methos!!!!!!!!"


MacNairCDC

Duncan leaned over the edge of the pool near Vidalia's floaty. "Don't you worry your little head, VidaliaCDC." (He said her new title with much aplomb.) "I re-keyed your truck this morning and the backhoe will be next."

"Goat headed Scot," grumbled Connor from where he floated between Sharz and Denise, who were feeding him chips and dip. "You re-keyed MY horse trailer first thing the next morning! After you knew I'd spent thirty seven dollars on new keys!"

"HA!" laughed Duncan. "I fixed you good this time. The keyman re-keyed it and never even made the key that would open it!"

"WHAT?!" Connor lunged away from the floaties after his kinsman.

Duncan sprinted away on the deck.

"Hey, get AWAY from me!" yelled Methos, balancing brew and cookies and nachos on his lap.


lahoffyCDC

"Oh, goody! A foot race between the boys!" lahoffy said as she leaned over to snag a cookie from Methos. "Haven't seen one of those in ... oh ... half a day, at least!"


VidaliaCDC

*reaching out and pulling Duncan down within kissing range, she placed a very noisy peck against his sculpted cheek*

"My hero, Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod!"


MacNairCDC

Duncan grinned down at Vidalia and whispered, "It's part of my restitution for being grumpy about you sneaking in. There'll be more, but--" he darted a look at Connor, who was nearing the edge of the pool, "--I've got to go now."

Connor lunged out of the water and slipped on the footing in his hurry. Duncan took that moment to skirt the snack table, jump the cooler of brews, and take cover behind the pagoda.

Methos hunkered over his snacks and hoped he would escape Connor's approach as well....


VidaliaCDC

Vidalia's mouth went dry at Duncan's words and the butterflies in her stomach morphed into rhinos with attitudes.

Her eyes grew round at the sight of a tight wet hiney when Connor came out of the pool, his Speedo riding up over and into places she could only dream about...

lahoffy screeched when Connor lost his footing and toppled right into Methos, spilling his beer and sending chips and tacos riding on a huge wave towards the pool dwellers....

Duncan roared from behind the snack table...


lahoffyCDC

The beer ended up in the pool where Puff lay in wait. He'd known that sooner or later, there would be beer and the little dragon happily slurped it up, emitting only a tiny belch of flame as he finished. He glanced hopefully at the pale-skinned one wishing for more and knowing he was the one that always gave him beer.

Methos clutched the last plate of cookies to his chest as he shoved Connor away from him. "Bloody sheep-shagging barbarian Scots! Has there ever been a par-tay where you two haven't managed to spill my BEER???"

"Give over those cookies, old man, before someone gets hurt." lahoffy said, trying to snake a hand between the plate and the chest in search of a cookie. Being late bites, just as I'm finally going to get some food, into the pool it goes.


MacNairCDC

Connor slipped, slid, clutched the umbrella pole over the snack table for support, and glared in the direction of the pagoda.

"Ha!" said the bamboo and wood.

"Dammit, Duncan," said Connor and he groped for the nearest thing to heave at the face that peered out from behind the lattice.

"Con-nor!" shouted lahoffy, watching what was happening.

"Hey!?" shouted Vidalia and Denise in unison.

"At least it's not my BEER!" announced Methos.

Connor picked up the plate of Hostess Ding Dongs and hurled it, plate and all, at Duncan. The plastic platter flew like a Frisbee and launched thirty-two hockey puck sized mini Frisbees on its way!

"AGGHH!" said the pagoda.


VidaliaCDC

Vidalia sighed hoping that there was no rule about exactly *who* had to clean up the huge mess that was being made by one slightly tipsy Scot wearing red Speedos and launching plates full of pastries at his kinsman.

Connor had just grabbed for the bowl of guacamole when Vidalia yelled,

"Connor, wait!"

Pausing in mid toss, Connor stopped and looked back at Vidalia, "Yes, lass?"

"I have a horse trailer I can let you borrow and I had the specialized towing package installed on my truck?"

Connor's eyes twinkled, "That's kind of you, lass, but this is an on-going battle and I need to teach this young git a lesson."

"You, and who's blithering army?" was the voice bellowing from the pagoda.

Methos muttered something about barbaric traits never being completely bred out and shoved his beer hat back down on his head more securely.


lahoffyCDC

Vidalia stared in awed fascination as the food fight escalated. Somebody had slipped Duncan a supply of M&M's, (Denise claimed innocence, but when the M&M's yelped every time they were tossed, everyone knew exactly where they'd come from), marshmallows (k'lynn's merry giggle was heard following their appearance), and a passel of mangos. (All CDC'ers claimed innocence on this one, but Methos knew differently).

"Does this happen every Par-Tay?" Vidalia asked quietly.

MacNair peeked out from her hiding spot behind Richie's lounger long enough to answer. "Nope, guess the boys wanted to do something special for your induction." She yelped as a wayward Ding-Dong splatted perilously close to her feet and quickly ducked back into hiding.

"Did they have to choose a food fight?" lahoffy whined. "I still haven't had any munchies!"

At that moment, a mango whizzed by her head to land with a sploosh into the pool. "Thanks!" she called out, snagging her prize and retreating to the furthest end of the pool.


....meanwhile...in another thread, but no less neglected...the following conversation was recorded....

DeniseCDC from Kansas City Sat Aug 2 2003

It's me!

Say, where do you think Methos hides the backhoe key?


lahoffyCDC

Good question! Maybe we need to search him to find it?

Thoroughly.

Completely.

Close scrutiny required.

Can I be first???


VidaliaCDC

Key...key where *did* he hide the key.... lahoffy drove straight into Methos' catching his middle with Denise right behind her, flinging herself on his long legs.

Vidalia was too astonished to move and glanced over at MacNair, "Should we help?"


MacNairCDC

"Let's see," said MacNair. "lahoffy has the middle and Denise has his legs. He'll tickle lahoffy, but she's experienced with tickling. He'll try to kick Denise off, but she has a grubby eight-year-old boy. 'Nuff said. I think we should wait a bit..."

"Okay..." Vidalia didn't sound like that was the answer she was really looking for.

"Unless, the Par-TAY girl would *like* to wrestle Methos on the pool deck?"

Vigorous nodding was the only answer.

MacNair crunched one last chip and brushed her hands off. "Okay, then. We're going in!"

*dive*

*crunch*

"OW!*"

"Oops?"


VidaliaCDC

Vidalia could not see anything in from her position in the tangle of bodies. But they still held Methos captured.

Somehow lahoffy's hair was in her mouth and someone's toe was tickling her ear.

And Methos' hand was... "Hey, Methos, stop that .... ooooo?"

"What?!?! Whatzz he doing?" lahoffy called out pulling her hair from Vidalia's mouth.

"He's pinching my behind!"

~finis~

August 2, 2003

Vidalia's Induction Par-TAY shenanigans!


[Posted the next morning]

MacNairCDC ...staggering in blind and wild haired... Sun Aug 3 2003

I see the board is still here, and STILL slow and obstinate! I think there's a ding-dong stuck in the main server somewhere.... drat you, Connor!

Hey, how did the plastic tub of beers get heaved way out there in the pool? You know Methos doesn't like the water very well....hmmmmm.

Denise has a mango slushy headache and doesn't want to be disturbed until 12. Unless you're Connor. Wearing leather. *listens* Or nothing.

Vidalia is celebrating in the dungeon with Duncan, who is figuring out all her secrets. I heard him whine about an hour ago that she keeps making up more secrets to discover.

How'd those seven Super-soakers end up on the roof like that? Hayden's going to have a fit!

Yoo-hoo, lahoffy? Par-TAYS over dear, we need that floaty. *listens* I know, I know, you never think you get enough time in it, but really, there'll be another par-TAY soon. *listens*

How soon? Well, school is coming and by that time, all of us moms will need a par-TAY!

Merry morning, all you pranksters...


lahoffyCDC-blinking sleepily and clutching floaty

Wazzat?

Mmf...I think somebody slipped something into that last mango slushie I had, I haven't slept that hard in a long time!

What you mean the Par-Tay's over?? I was just getting started. *pout* What am I supposed to do with all this leftover wikkedness, huh?

I heard that, Richie...but I think it's your turn at cleanup detail.

Off to find some mayhem SOMEWHERE in this compound!


cleanup crew (alias, the One and Only lynnannCDC)

Reclaimable materials had been safely stored away, but the party had ranged far and near, and the only way to handle it in a timely fashion was horsepower (no Methos, not horseman power, relax)

BrRRRrrRRummmm-buummm- bumm-bumm!

The mini bull dozer hummed near the edge of the pool area, and then it moved in a straight line scooping up two discarded super soakers, three bent lawn chairs, one twisted wheel chair and anything else that remained in its path.

The machine halted at the far end, the driver shifted gears and backed up, spinning, and headed back the way it had come, capturing a broken mango crate, a half dozen party hats, and just missed the immortal picking through the rubbish.

"Watch where you're going, Ryan!"

"Who says I wasn't?" the youngster catcalled. "Whatcha looking for, anyway?"

"Your head, if you don't watch out!"

The bulldozer spun around again and headed back. Two deflated innertubes (the spare floaties for the in-pool dining), a wheelless wheel chair and something bright and colorful were deposited at the far end.

"heer dey r, connie," the closet imp crowed, snatching up the red speedos, and she danced on the bulldozer, the speedos twirling in the air. "i winz! i winz!"

"What do you win, k'lynn?" Richie grinned at his rhyme, the bulldozer idling while he watched her prance about.

"Connie! Hez ahl myn!"

Richie noted the smug grin on the Scots face. "You wanted her to find them, didn't you?"

"Of course. Most of the time, it's the only place I can get any rest around here." k'lynn scrambled onto his shoulders and urged him toward her closet. "If you run out of garbage bags, there are more in the pantry."

"Yeah, right!" the young immortal muttered. "When I grow up, I want to be just like him! Sneaky and underhanded!"

The bull dozer spun around and headed for more refuse.


MacNairCDC

BWAHAAHAAA 2~

This sounds like Connor and his horse trailer! Is this going to Methos' pet machine? Or Duncan's or Richies?

Why is it nicknamed an 'ASV' out of curiosity? Around here, it'd have to be named an

PPP-U Post Par-TAY Picker Upper

ASD Anti Scot Device

AID Anti Immortal Device

ARDT Anti Richie Destruction Tool

MRV Mayhem Redistribution Vehicle

PCC POD Cleanup Contraption

....okay, okay, I'll quit.

(PS: how come Methos can't grapple Vidalia? Is that in the rules?) Scrambles for CDC rule book...

I don't see anything in here about Methos being forbidden to grapple anyone around here--except lahoffy when her Halo is humming and even that says only, "Proceed with extreme caution."

???

:)

And Vidalia's still not around today ... is she still unwrapping secrets for Duncan?


VidaliaCDC

*crash - rattle - boink*

Duncan's laughter coupled with Vidalia's giggles floated up from the stone steps that lead up from the dungeon into the hallway ....

After her Induction party had been began to wane down, Duncan had thrown Vidalia over his shoulder and carried her down the stairs leading to the dungeon for some *torture* because she refused to explain in detail just how Connor's thumb was injured ... but she had volunteered to reenact how the injury came about which sent Connor and MacNair into a hoots and howls of laughter and made lahoffy's halo zing and sing, while Methos opened one beer soaked eyed and managed a half grin.

When the laughter suddenly turned into yowls of pain Connor jumped from the pool chair upsetting MacNair's huge glass of Merlot -- she and the ladies were taking bets on long he could balance the glass on his tummy while being tickled by pacem with her long blue feather ....

hayden was taking pot shots at his open mouth with her whisky filled super soaker.....

lynnann had stuffed rainbow colored marshmallow between his toes and k'lynn was removing them very slowly one by one ...

Duncan's yowls had turned to curses and seemed now to be coming from underground....

Connor's keen hearing lead him down the stairs to the basement of the compound. The ladies were right behind him.

*klink klink klink*

The sound grew louder and louder until the all of the ladies and Connor stopped ....

Suddenly a square from the floor before them lifted and a dark, tousled, grungy Highlander appeared from the flooring ....

Looking back over his shoulder he caught the sight of his kinsmen and the ladies with open mouths and looks of pure astonishment on their faces ....

A voice from below called out, "Duncan, are you through yet?"

Duncan had the grace to blush as the CDC'ers and one clansman started howling in laughter ....

For on Duncan's left hand were three band aides and one finger splint ......

~finis (again!)~
August 3, 2003

Top



Catching a Shark

VidaliaCDC

Aug 21 2003 @ 6:19 am!

*paddling by on floatie* Woke up in the gutter this AM and can't even blame the following fru madness on my Evil Twin ....

(Lobbs three luscious frus on the board)


MacNairCDC

~fwip~crash~tinkle,tinkle,tinkle...

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Hi, gutter buddy! Nice to see you in here this am. I'm glad to see you holding up under all of the family stuff.

...thinking of you while drifting in the deep end....


VidaliaCDC

*passes MacNair a Merlot*

"Welcome dearie, I've dedicated myself to keeping the gutter flowing."

*bubble bubble*

*Connor's head slowly arises out of the glistening waters of the gutter to smile wikkidly at the clansibs before submerging again. Somewhere the theme music to Jaws starts to whine eerily in the background.*

Na da ... Na da ... nadanadanadanada ......

*Vidalia tosses a grin at MacNair and begins failing about*

(which attracts sharks, ya know)


MacNairCDC

*giggle*

"Say-y, Vidalia, that shark of ours needs a bit more fin in his tail fin."

"We have a lanky butt shark?" laughed Vidalia. "Oh, funny!"

>snerkle<


VidaliaCDC

"Here sharky ... sharky ... sharky ...."

*Vidalia calls out as she begins to chum the water with floating shots of scotch*

*Tossing a wikkid grin at MacNair*

"I likes, 'em lanky and lean!"


MacNairCDC

"Keep luring him in, Vidalia!" called MacNair encouragingly. She was waving an empty floaty about while watching the water. "You're doing great!"

Vidalia gave her a perplexed look. "I say, what's the extra floaty for?"

"As soon as he surfaces--I'll *POP* it over his head and we'll have him!"

Vidalia snickered. "I think we're going to 'have' him anyway, but having him slightly subdued by a floaty might be kind of ... interesting." She turned her focus back to the water and the three shots of Scotch all in their mini-life vests. "Here, sharky ... sharky ... sharky...."


VidaliaCDC

Said Sharky surfaced and took one of MacNair's scotch shots that had been bouncing around in its little life floaty.

Clasping the shot glass with his talented lips, he flicked his head back and downed the shot in a single gulp.

MacNair, seeing her chance, jammed the spare floaty down over his head--pinning his arms to his sides!

Vidalia laughed, "Yay, MacNair! Nice shot!" She squealed and paddling furiously, scooping up the extra shots bouncing about on the waves created by her floundering. No sense in wasting good scotch and one must keep their Sharky well hydrated!


MacNairCDC

"What the--? Who the---? Where the--?" demanded the shark. He bobbed a little backwards as he tried to flip his hair back out of his eyes without the use of his hands. "Mac-NAIR! And Vi-DALIA!" he sputtered.

Vidalia paddled over to MacNair's turtle floaty, herding mini-bottles with both arms. There was just enough room on the turtle to perch them all around his green neck. The two studied their captive from one yard away.

"Are you two trying to drown me?" Connor demanded. He studied the scotch shots that were just ... out ... of ... reach. If he had reach. Which wasn't happening anytime soon because the floaty was wedged quite thoroughly against his bare skin around the elbows. He felt like a seal stuck in a life-ring.

"No, dear shark. We're making sure you DON'T drown," Vidalia replied. "Split one?" she asked MacNair.

"Okay, sweets."

Vidalia sipped 1/2 a mini scotch and MacNair sipped the rest. Then coughed. Then made a face. Then stuck her tongue out. "Blar-r-r-r-gh!" she said.

"Ditto," agreed Vidalia. "Merlot is MUCH better."

"IS NOT!" yelled the floating shark. He glared, and then softened his look. "If you don't want them--I'll take them?"

"Oh, you'll take them all right. One at a time and for good performance," drawled Vidalia.

"Hey!" protested the shark, bobbing more energetically.

"You first and I'll critique?" suggested MacNair.

"Okay, sis. I know ju-u-u-ust the thing to start with..." Vidalia's eyes gleamed more brilliantly devilish than usual.

"HEY?" protested the shark. His floaty prison made little circlet waves. "I'll yell for Duncan!" he threatened.

"DUNCAN?" shouted Vidalia.

"HERE!" shouted back the man in question. He raised his glass aloft from his poolside chair to orient them to his position.

"Connor claims he's going to yell for help from you."

"That so?" Duncan raised his sunglasses up to look. "His head is above water, so he's in no danger. Actually, he's in no danger even if his head was underwater, but I digress." The smile he shot Connor's way was pure evil. "Carry on, girls."

"HA!" said Vidalia.

"Hee!" said MacNair.

"Dun-CAN!" roared the shark.

...and then Vidalia slipped beneath the water....


VidaliaCDC

If there was ever a time that Vidalia was glad she had quit smoking it was now! Amazing how much more energy and lung capacity she had!

Sinking gracefully into the cool blue depths, she warily dodged Connor's half hearted attempts at keeping the distance between himself and whatever mischief she was planning.

A well-formed foot jostled her against her thigh. She immediately captured it with her hands, choked back a giggle, and placed a firm nibble right dead center of the delicate arch.

It's sure funny how water distorts sounds, she thought giddily. She was sure of MacNair's hoot of laughter and even more sure that the words or sounds that had issued from Connor's mouth weren't nice at all! For good measure she stole another nibble off the back of the Highlander's knee as she kicked back to the surface.

The first sound that greeted her ears was Duncan's roar of laughter and MacNair's giggling .....


MacNairCDC

"Hey, sis, it's your turn!" Vidalia shouted when she surfaced.

"What? No Speedo?"

"He was thrashing too hard to deal with the Speedo," lamented Vidalia.

"Ha! No scotch for YOU!" MacNair said. She typed notes on a waterproof laptop, courtesy of Methos, who seemed to find things spilled near him, next to him, ON him whenever he was trying to do some computer work.

"Hey, that's not fair!" complained the shark.

"Arguing with discipline, minus another scotch." MacNair typed some more.

"But, I didn't know what she was going to do! I should at least be told the rules before you---"

"Still offering excuses, minus another scotch." Tappity, tappity, tap-tap-tapity

This time, Connor just shut his mouth. His eyes were interesting, but he didn't say a word.

Duncan, across the way in his lounge chair, did all the howling for his kinsman ... and then sipped a tall scotch for good measure.

"So, this makes him down by three shots?"

"My notes read: negative three," affirmed MacNair. She hit SAVE and slipped out of her floaty. Vidalia gave her a high five slap as she passed.

"Try to do better, Mr. Sharky," yelled Vidalia over her shoulder.

"Now," said MacNair, "about those Speedos..."


VidaliaCDC

Vidalia grinned wikkidly as MacNair slipped beneath the surface, with Speedo retrieval on her mind and Scotch on her breath.

Connor turned to stare at Vidalia who had now assumed MacNair's typist role on the waterproof laptop. "Stop it with the stare Highlander, it doesn't work on me any more," Vidalia stated matter-of-factly as she stopped her typing and downed another shot of scotch.

"Spluuuuurttt, snork, cough, cough, cough," Methos spewing his beer and Lahoffy dried the end of his nose with a towel. Duncan roared again and rolled off his pool chair taking both sheeza and Denise with him.

MacNair's shimmering form was performing its own water ballet and Connor's eyes went an interesting shade of blue green as he twisted himself first one way and then the other....


MacNairCDC

It shouldn't ... be ... this tough ... to ... get ... a Speedo ... off ... this ... man, thought MacNair beneath the water. There's no hiney involved. He hasn't had enough *tampering with* to have any hang-ups anywhere--later maybe, but not yet. So ... why ... is this ... Speedo ... being so ... difficult? She quit her wrangling and popped to the surface for a gulp of air--and came face to face with "the shark."

He looked amused. And smug. But didn't offer a thing. He licked a bead of water off his lip and eyed her back.

"What's the problem with this Speedo, Mr. Sharky?"

"It's new. It has laces up the front."

"Laces?" MacNair looked over at Vidalia. "Who's up next on the 'Laces List'?"

Vidalia consulted with a couple of clicks. "According to the 'lace list'--" she looked up with a grin, "you are!"

"Okay, then I'm legal." She *blooped* beneath the water.

*tug*tug*pull*pull*wrestle*use some teeth to get a grip on a string*tug*pull*wrestle*

Connor eyes got even more interesting with the gyrations beneath the water. When he managed to see straight, he said, "I'm being good. I'm being good. Can I have a shot of scotch yet, I'm being good!"

"Just a minute, sharky," said Vidalia, waiting to see if MacNair's efforts were working.

"Wait ... a ... minute?" squeaked the shark. "Oh, God!"

"Praying will not help you," informed Vidalia.


VidaliaCDC

Vidalia shouted a rousing, "Hooray and good show!" as MacNair rose from the water with Connor's lace up the front Speedos dangling from her teeth.

There was much cheering from poolside as Duncan, sheeza and Denise, who had crawled to the edge of the pool and were lying on their tummies watching the passing events with much relish. lahoffy and Methos were arguing camera angels as the camera rolled on.

MacNair flourished and mock bowed, twirling the Speedos from her finger tips victoriously, "Thank you, thank you, thankyouverymuch ..."

Vidalia thought to ask if her adventure had been enjoyable but the wikkid twinkle in the Highlander's eyes spoke volumes, even if his mouth was gaping open at the moment, pleadingly. Always a trifle tender hearted, Vidalia took pity on Connor and poured a Scotch down his throat and placed a smacking kiss on the end of his nose.

Turning, Vidalia saw MacNair advancing towards the Highlander and at leisurely pace ....

Silence filled the air .....


MacNairCDC

Silence filled the air until Connor yelped, "HEY NOW!" and nearly capsized in his floaty straightjacket. (Vidalia, taking notes, added a note to ask MacNair just *what* she had done under the water to produce such a reaction.)

"That," said MacNair, "is for eating the last of the strawberries in the refrigerator."

"Richie helped!" the shark protested--then yelped again.

"And that is for not running to town after that dress at the dry cleaner for me yesterday."

"But 'Rob Roy' was on and I wanted to watch it!" protested the shark. He was trying to kick himself away in his floaty, but succeeded only in bobbing in place more energetically, since MacNair had a hand on his floating prison. "I made you a belt!" he shot at her in defense.

MacNair paused. "You did make me a belt. A fine one at that, with silver and dangles--a right fine belt."

"And it looks 'hotdang' I think you told me..." he reminded her.

"It does." She leaned forward and kissed him, then nipped his chin gently. "I need some silver on my spanking little leather boots."

"Next. Yes, I'll do that next."

"OOOO, Vida-lia? It's your turn, honey." MacNair paddled back to the turtle floaty with the laptop.

"...silver dodads on MacNair's boots..." said Vidalia as she typed her last notes. "Right-0."


VidaliaCDC

Slipping out of MacNair's turtle floaty and turning over the typing duties to her clansib, Vidalia halted MacNair with a hand. "So, dearie, exactly what did you do to our beloved got raise such a loud ruckus from him?"

MacNair gave Vidalia a mysterious smile and drew close to whisper in her ear.

Vidalia's eyes grew round and began to twinkle with a deliciously wikkid light. "OOoooo, my I borrow that?" she asked excitedly.

MacNair nodded her permission, "But you'd better allow him a little time to recover first."

"Don't worry, sis, his recuperative powers are remarkable," she added knowingly with a wikkid wink of her own. "E-mail me all the details and proper steps; I wouldn't want to make a mistake. I'm running out of band aides."

Vidalia advanced towards the trapped Highlander. Grasping the floaty, she pulled the captured sharky to her and propped her arms on the side, allowing her body to sink until she was eye level with the wary Scot. She spoke conversationally, "Connor, you know I've been here for awhile now and ..." She smoothed back an errant strand of his hair that had carelessly fallen across his forehead with one hand while the other disappeared into the water under the floaty.

"Yes, lass that you have," he replied warily his eyes darting down to where her other hand was disappearing.

"Would you make me something?" She begged prettily.

"Ah .... Errrr...YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!" Connor screeched out.

Smiling Vidalia poured another shot down his throat and slowly sank beneath the water.


MacNairCDC

"If you keep that up, he's not going to be able to weld anything today," called MacNair.

"Not today?" Vidalia looked over at MacNair. "I'm tired of tripping on that in the middle of the night. We *must* get a stand for it!"

"Not today. He'll set the barn wall on fire."

"I haven't set a barn on fire for a hundred years!" protested the shark.

Vidalia turned to look at him.

"Uh-oh. You shouldn't have let on that you'd recovered your voice, Mr. Sharky," sniggered MacNair. She started typing again. "Time elapsed: 14 seconds. Results possibly skewed due to accusation of inept forge work."

"One more time!" shouted Duncan from the sidelines.

"Hush, Highlander, I'm trying to take a nap," remonstrated Methos, who was holding a dozing lahoffy as well.

"For the statistics, Vidalia," sighed MacNair. "One more time."

"My lips are getting tired," protested Vidalia.

"Her ... lips ... are ... getting ... tired?" groaned the shark.

"Okay, okay, let's switch...."

MacNair paddled out towards the spot where Connor was floating and Vidalia paddled towards the laptop on it's floating perch. Midway, they both grinned like diabolical fiends ... which was almost true.

Almost.

They were worse. Much worse!


VidaliaCDC

Vidalia tapped furiously on the laptop, which was also precariously balancing the second half of the fourth shot of scotch ....

No ... wait ... make that the second half of the fifth ...

Oh, what the hell, she thought. The stuff was starting to taste pretty darn good and it was making her lips nice and numb ... and on a more responsible note: One should always have lip balm and chap stick handy by pool at all times for more advanced games.

Vidalia focused her eyes on the soles of MacNair's feet as they broke the surface, splashing daintily.

"Interesting technique, MacNair," Duncan yelled encouragingly from his perch by the pool, where he was unaware that pacem was steadily creeping up with blue feather in hand aiming for his bare toes.

Vidalia sighed and hoped MaNair hadn't gone too far, she'd never seen Connor's eyes move quite like that before ....

The right one was rotating clockwise and the left counter clockwise ......

And when MacNair's dainty toes curled his eyes rolled back in his head ....

Interesting technique, indeed! It would be a long while before Connor would be allowed back to the forge ....

Well, all in all, it wasn't too bad and she really didn't mind tripping over stuff in the middle of the night ... but she was running low on band aides...


MacNairCDC

~Later~

~MUCH later~

"Just what were you doing to Connor under the water out there anyway?" asked lahoffy. "When you two finally let him out of that trap--he just went and had a 'nice lie down' for about SIX HOURS!"

"Oh, not much, really. I just played around with him."

"Where, you gutter-wench-you, where?"

"His belly button. Don't you know how ticklish he is underwater?"

"You TICKLED him?" lahoffy stared a goggle. "That's it?"

"Yeah, that's it." MacNair leaned over conspiratorially. "He couldn't let Duncan know he was just ticklish! And his pride wanted Duncan to think he was having a Real Good Time, too! So he won't EVER tell Duncan the truth."

lahoffy laughed. "Highlander pride?"

"Never to be underestimated."

Top



Communing With Nature

The summer heat had finally decided to grant a brief intermission and lahoffy intended to make good use of the beautiful day with a walk. As she passed a tall stand of grass, she thought she heard something. Moving closer to the stand she peered into it.

"Methos, what are you doing?"

"Communing with nature"

"Communing with nature my a**"

Just then Methos shifted in the grass and a glint of silver caught lahoffy's eye. She leaned in closer to see what the old man was hiding. "Methos, is that hayden's ladder?!"

"Ladder, what ladder?" Methos leaned back in the grass, placing one hand behind his head and a come hither look in his eyes. "Ever hear of the old saying 'a roll in the hay,' lahoffy?'"

A slightly startled lahoffy stood a little straighter. "Yes, I have." She smiled and moved in to join the old man.

finis *g*
haydenCDC
AUG 28, 2003

Top



Bad Hat Day!

MacNairCDC

Sept 27 2003

(Talking about Duncan wearing a bandanna) Sure looks good on him. Of course, he could wear a "Connor hat from the Lakota Flashback in The Gathering" and still look ddg!


lynnannCDC

I think that is going a bit too far, MacNair.

Connor just barely pulls that one off (might have if the wig had been better.)


MacNairCDC

You can't see Duncan in that kind of hat? Standing next to Connor, a dry sprig between his teeth, inspecting the fence they just built? I can see them both with those hats on, jammed down on their heads, grimy and sweaty and looking like bumpkins.

Duncan would have a smudge just for Sheeza's sake. >g<


lynnannCDC

It's not that I can't, it's that I don't WANT to.

Smudges, now, that's totally different!


MacNairCDC

*chortle*

Okay. I won't tell Connor or Duncan that you like those hats. Fact is, I won't tell them that you don't either. It'd be just like them to wear them and chase you up into the tree house!

"Bad Hat Day again, Connor?"

"Yes, we have to go chase lynnann, too."


lynnannCDC

MacNair looked up from the poolside just as two hats went flying out the window of the tree house.

"Some CDCers..." she sprinted away

"Have all the fun..." lahoffy continued, following the blonde.

"And two of the immortals!" Sheeza cried, close behind on the stairs. "No fair!"

"Good thing the tree house..." Sharz exclaimed at the foot of the ladder.

"Holds the entire Clan with room to spare!" hayden said, climbing the rope.


MacNairCDC

Duncan glanced up at his kinsman's strangled sound. Connor was looking out of the front tree house window. His old hat had finally fluttered down off the tree branch where lynnann tossed it in a fit of pique.

"What? It is my turn to kiss her," Duncan muttered turning his eyes back to meet lynnann's.

"We've got company."

"What kind of company?" Duncan's voice wasn't alarmed ... yet.

"Not immortal."

"That's good."

"Female."

"That's good, too."

"Eleven of them at once?"

*pause*

"Eleven?"

"Eleven, and the first one is at the rope and climbing."

*sigh* "I wasn't counting on calisthenics today..."

*Chuckle* "I'll take the first six, you take the rest."


lynnannCDC

"Some immortals," Richie began

"The lucky few," Methos agreed.

"Have all the fun, and most of the Clan. Think we should join them?"

"By all means, but let's give them a few moments first. Stress can be a good thing," Methos smirked into his beer.

"For them or us?"

"The girls. Imagine their joy when we show up?"

Richie, impetuous, decided not to wait for the old man. There was fun to be had, and he wanted his share!


MacNairCDC

The young immortal wasted no time getting to the tree house and he stood looking up a moment, listening to the laughter and merrymaking going on above him. "I hope they have some snacks up there," he sighed. "This 'taking care of the women' makes me hungry."

A particularly loud round of laughter sounded, punctuated by shouts of "Duncan!" and "That is SO poor!"

"Wow, he's really falling down on his game! I'd better get up there!"

Imagine Richie's surprise to find the entire clan wearing an assortment of baseball caps, pointed hats, Captain's hats, sombreros, and cowboy hats! The excited chattering and cat-calls ceased with Richie's abrupt entrance.

"Hey, Richie, you're just in time for 'Bad Hat Day,'" announced Connor, wearing a horrible excuse for a hat.


lynnannCDC

Someone clapped an orange bandana on Richie's head, and everyone roared in laughter.

Except lynnann, who just kept shaking her head. "I'll never complain about phfft hair again ... well, maybe not as much ... but, then they expect it, so I must. Hey, save the olive wreath for Methos--it will go well with the toga."


MacNairCDC

The ROG was not far behind, they noted. They heard the creak of the rope ladder as he put his foot onto it. They also heard the muttered oaths in some foreign tongue beneath his breath as he fought the toga, the wind, and the sway of the ladder on his way up.

A quiet fell across the throng in their unlikely headgear and they watched the opening of the tree house flooring, waiting. Duncan, closest to the place where Methos would emerge, watched more intently than anyone else.

"What the---?" barked the eldest immortal when his head popped into view and he spied the motley crew. "Oh, NO!"

"Hi, Methos," called Duncan, and he twisted a hand in the shoulder of the toga and hauled the slender immortal up into the tree house.

"No! No, you blasted sheep loving idiot! Let me go!" the ROG blustered. "I don't want to be a part of 'Bad Hat Day' around here! You guys always manage to---"

The Clan circled him.

"OW!"

"There," said lahoffy. "A perfect hat for you!"

Methos sniffed and scowled at the leaf near his face. "You've got to be kidding. Olives? I look like Jesus!"

"No, we'd have to flog you and add some thorns."

"Uh, no, then, this will be fine. Just fine."


lynnannCDC

A bag of Doritos suddenly flew through the window.

Followed by bags of M&Ms and Oreos.

"All right! Food!" Richie grabbed a bag of chips and popped it open, neatly fielding the jar of dip as it flew by.

"N E thin elz?"

"Beer dispenser?" Methos asked hopefully.

"Sillee. 2 hehvee. B ride bak."

Five minutes later a garden hose sneaked through the window as they exchanged hats yet again, and a sudden spray doused them all.

"k'lynn!" Connor roared out the window. "Turn it off!"

"okies. Den I plai wid de horziez."

She twisted the knob and floated away towards the stables ... as the hose became a twisting, writhing, out-of-control beer dispenser.


MacNairCDC

"My beer!" wailed Methos.

"My HAT!" wailed Connor.

"Please, Lord, destroy that hat," muttered lynnann.

~finis~

Top



On The Way To The Fall Picnic...

lahoffyCDC
Oct 8 2003

It was one of those perfect fall days. Not too warm, not too cool. The sun shone clear and bright, giving off gentle warmth. The air smelled of hay, falling leaves, and the faint whiff of apples. It was one of those days that demanded one gets outside and enjoy before the cold of winter crept in.

The ladies (using the term loosely, of course) had decided that the best way to enjoy it was a leisurely bike ride through the countryside to admire the fall colors, ending with a twilight picnic at the lakeside some 5 miles away.

Three of the four immortals agreed.

Methos, however, being his usual contrary, cranky self begged off, emphatically stating that it was the perfect day to be inside, drinking beer and watching the soccer matches. Which he proceeded to do, sprawling into his recliner defiantly.

Rather than get into a lengthy debate, the others had simply nodded and went about their business making the needed preparations.

"I can't believe you're going to let him get away with not going!" Denise said as she packed up a picnic basket with M&M's and mangos. "Especially after you got him that lovely bike as a birthday present, Connor."

A conspiratorial look passed between Connor, Richie, lahoffy, and Ennaj before Connor smiled briefly. "I'm sure he'll change his mind." Connor remarked mysteriously.

MacNair caught the look that passed between the others and immediately became suspicious. "What have you done this time, Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod?"

Putting on his best 'Who, me?' look, Connor refused to answer, raising the little blonde's suspicions further.

lahoffy glanced toward the house, spotted Methos as he passed by the kitchen window and grinned wickedly. "5...4...3...2...1...NOW!"

An unearthly howl of utter anguish broke through the quiet of the compound, freezing everyone in his or her tracks. As one, their heads all turned toward the house where that pitiful sound had come from.

Duncan rolled his eyes. "Connor..." he began, knowing full well his kinsman was behind that tormented voice.

The back door banged open and everyone watched as Methos stumbled out, his complexion paler than normal and he leaned weakly against the doorjamb, his eyes rounded in horror.

Silence reigned as everyone waited to see what could possibly reduce the old man to such a state.

Gasping for air, Methos tried and failed to speak several times before finally managing weakly, "There's no beer."

"No beer?" Sheeza asked disbelievingly. "How can there be no beer when I just bought--"

"Say, Sheeza," Richie cut in quickly, "Hand me your basket and I'll load it onto my bike."

"That shouldn't be much of a problem, Methos, didn't you just refill your beer dispenser?" hayden asked.

Still shell-shocked, Methos shook his head. "It's empty. I don't know how, but it's empty."

"Gee, that's too bad, Methos," Connor said blandly. "Guess you'll just have to go buy some more."

"Too bad all the vehicles suddenly broke down," Ennaj whispered gleefully.

Duncan overheard and glared at the four conspirators in question. "Just what have you done this time?" he demanded.

Richie couldn't resist a bit of bragging. "Not much. We knew Methos would try and get out of going, so we made sure he would."

"And how did you accomplish that little feat?"

lahoffy shrugged. "Simple. Ennaj stole the spark plugs from all the vehicles and hid them, Richie drained his beer dispenser, and *I* have all the beer right here," she said, smugly patting the two backpacks at her feet.

Methos had, by this point, made his way to his SUV and everyone watched in fascination as he pounded the steering wheel in frustration when it refused to start. Getting out, he raised the hood and howled again. Grumbling, he glared over at the group, hands on hips.

Lifting a bottle from the backpack, Connor waved it in Methos' direction teasingly.

"Beer, Methos? The only way to get it is to come with us."

The air was filled with cursing, new and ancient.


MacNairCDC

"Who is riding where?" questioned MacNair, waving one hand at the bikes.

"I'm riding with Duncan," announced Sheeza rather quickly. (This was met with giggles all around, since Duncan had recently procured several two person bikes and they all knew Sheeza wanted that second seat behind Duncan to ... watch the scenery.)

"I am not riding with Connor," announced MacNair, to the surprise of all.

"And why not?" demanded the Scot in question.

"Because I know how you view biking! You'll pedal my stumpy legs off, that's why! I wouldn't even be able to walk by the time we got to the lake!" She glared at him for emphasis. "I'll ride my own bike ... along with lynnann, who's a sensible pace kind of gal."

"Sensible pace, that's me. And stops to view the scenery, too," added lynnann. She managed to load her pack onto Connor bike without him realizing that he now carried about three people's packs. That ought to slow Mr. Speedball down a bit, she thought.

Methos grumbled, groaned, and finally went to the shed and drew out his bike, gleaming golden and green in the sunshine. He buckled the helmet, pinched his skin in the process and yelped heartily. By the time he finished shriveling the nearby vegetation with his language, everyone was mounted up, helmeted, and ready to ride.

One by one, the troupe filed across the bridge to the moat and flitted through the scattered red-yellow leaves on the downhill side. The very last rider, lahoffy, heard the moat !hiccup! ... and following close behind it was a polite, "Oh, your pardon, dears!"

"Pardoned," lahoffy called over her shoulder. "How much of that beer dispenser did you drain in that moat, Richie-babe?"

"Enough to give our Old Lady a par-TAY while we're away," he called back. "She promised not to burn the house down."

"I'm glad we have plenty of fire insurance!"


pacemCDC

Ahhhhhhhh...the day was gorgeous!

The blue sky was a perfect frame for the blushing maples in their scarlet suits

And the hickories were just beginning their seasonal conversion to yellow.

All troubles were left behind. Out here on the open road there was only good cheer...

light bantering (Come on Connor, can't ya keep up?)

and the merry colorful trail of M&M's that Denise left along the way.

Until...

one pesky little bee out minding his own bee-business

on the same day at the same moment in the same path

as Methos' nose.......

BuzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzz

Yelp!!!!!


haydencdc

Methos raised both arms in defense of his beak and waved his arms wildly trying to keep the impending attack at bay. His bike began to weave without the control provided by his strong hands. It wove just a bit at first--provoking pacem to lean back on their bicycle built for two and whisper into Hayden's ear, "Excellent balance!"

However, the bee was a determined foe and ultimately found its intended target. The old man yelped even louder, grabbed his injured organ, and releasing a chain of ancient curses!

The bike's wobbling had grown progressively worse and finally the old man lost complete control. The bike came dangerously near the slight embankment at the edge of the road. In the heat of the battle Methos had begun peddling faster and the combination of speed and embankment sent the old man airborne. Luckily for him a nearby drainage pond broke his fall.

(We did say this was a FALL picnic, right?)

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Pretzel Highlander

VidaliaCDC

*Apologizes for her evil twin*

We simply must try to instill manners in the girl.

*naughty comments from ConnorMuse*

Translation: Leave her alone she's dandy just the way she is .... heh heh heh .... he likes ... her flexibility ... naughty ConnorMuse!


MacNairCDC

"I didn't know you could bend like that!?"

"Just never mind that, Duncan, and help me get unstuck!"

"How did you get like this, Connor?"

"Quit jawing and HELP!"


"V", wearing an evil grin

"Connor ... you said you wouldn't get stuck because you have no hiney!" V chided the elder Highlander wikkidly.

Duncan tugged at his kinsmen's arms to no avail. "Damn it, Connor, you're good and stuck!"

"I know that, Duncan! Use the head of yours for something besides a bandanna hanger and get me out of here."

"I have a suggestion..." V began.

"NO!" shouted Connor and Duncan in unison.

"But--"


MacNairCDC

"How about a healthy application of lard?" suggested MacNair.

"NO!" shouted back both Connor and Duncan.

"Butter flavored Crisco?"

"NO! We'd be getting Crisco out of the rug for years!"

Vidalia looked at MacNair. MacNair looked at Vidalia.

"The blender," said one.

"Indubitably," said the other.

"What the hell---?" demanded Connor.

"I'll cut; you puree," said MacNair.

"Roger that," said Vidalia, pattering off to the kitchen followed by MacNair.

"HEY?!" yelled Duncan. "Don't you be thinking that 'oh, well, he'll HEAL' stuff, d'you hear?"

"Relax, Duncan. We're making a mango puree to pour on him..." sallied a voice from the kitchen.


VidaliaCDC

*brrrrrrwingzzzz*

The mangoes looked so pretty while being mangled in the blender. Vidalia hummed to herself.

"Heads up, dearie," MacNair chimed out and Vidalia deftly twirled and caught the pared mango MacNair tossed in her direction.

"Nice catch," she chortled as the mango slipped out of Vidalia's hand and plopped mussily into the blender.

"Two points," Vidalia chirped.

"MACNAIR?!?!?!" Duncan's impatient voice called out.

"Whiney butt!" Vidalia yelled back.

"Yea, whiney butt keep your knickers on ..."

The clansins (Oh, yeah, we are SO clansins!) caught a fit of the giggles at MacNair's retort. They were a bit tipsy from the Merlot. Which was only logical as Merlot came right after Mangoes ... alphabetically of course.


MacNairCDC

"You know what the problem is with these mangos?" said MacNair.

"Hmmmm?" responded her compatriot.

"There's too much 'pit' in them. Lookit this mango--why, they're mostly pit instead of the goody!"

Vidalia got a dreamy look in her eyes while running the blender. "Not like our Highlander honeys, aye? They're mostly goody."

"WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG IN THERE? I'M GOING TO BE STUCK THIS WAY PERMANANT-LIKE EVEN WHEN I'M UNSTUCK!" came a wail from the living room.

Both clansibs leveled a look at the doorway. MacNair hefted two pits in one hand. "He's not mostly goody right now. I've a mind to chuck a pit at him!"

Vidalia rolled her eyes. "It's not worth the mess, sister M. They would just bounce off of him anyway, they're so gooey." *brrrrrrwingzzzz* went the blender.

"Right you are." MacNair put a few mango chunks to float in their drinks. "Mango merlot? Can't be bad if they both start with 'm', can they?"


VidaliaCDC (and MacNair refitting)

An impatient, irritated, and slightly annoyed Duncan entered the kitchen and glared balefully at the tipsy duo and their doubtful concoction. Vidalia and MacNair were waltzing arm in arm in the kitchen, each precariously toting one of MacNair's LARGE wine glasses filled with Merlot and garnished with a fragrant mango slice, while the nearby blender whirred.

He interrupted their merrymaking to demand, "Are you sure this is going to work?"

MacNair with great finesse sat her large glass of Merlot down on a countertop and fixed the dark Highlander with a slightly offended look,

"Duncan, I assure you, I have only Connor's best interests at heart!"

A very un-lady like snort erupted from Vidalia, "And see I even got out some straws!"


MacNairCDC

"Okay, I think it's ready," announced Vidalia. She was staring at the spatula stuck in the bowl of mango puree. It stood straight up like an ivory feather.

"Hmmm. You sure it doesn't need a touch of ... this?" MacNair poured something into the bowl and then stirred. The spatula stood upright just as before ...but after about thirty seconds it s-l-o-w-l-y slumped to the side.

Vidalia stuck a finger in the bowl and tasted a dollop. "Oh! Well, THAT ought to get some action!"

"BAM!" laughed MacNair. "I thought we should kick it up a notch!"

"You've got to lay off that Emeril show, honey." Vidalia bumped MacNair with one hip. "He's starting to rub off on you."

"Ugh." MacNair made a face, then picked up the bowl of mango slush. "Let's untie our pretzel Highlander, shall we?"

"Gladly!"

Both girls came through the door in unison--and stopped in their tracks. Luckily, the mango puree was solid enough that it only made a ripple along the top edge of the bowl and none of it slopped out. They blinked at the tableau.

"Ummm. I think we have an audience?" whispered one to the other.

"I do believe you are correct, girlfriend."

Along the wall, against the doorway, leaning over the balcony rail, perched on the piano bench, cross-legged in a corner, and sitting on the stairway--the room was full of CDCers. Right in the middle was Connor, still bent in some insane Yoga position, and Duncan right beside him with an impatient frown on his face. The top of the mini orange tree jittled: a sure indication that k'lynn was one of the onlookers as well. Ennaj was also there, muttering to herself something about taking advantage of a Highlander while he couldn't resist her. (As if Connor resisted anyone?)

"I think we'd better get this show started, don't you?" said Vidalia.

"I think you are correct again, girlfriend."

They approached the stuck Scot with their precious bowl.

"Tell me those mangoes weren't in the kitchen refrigerator," suddenly demanded Connor.

"Oh, they weren't, honey," murmured Vidalia.

*pour*

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!"

"They were out in the garage refrigerator."

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Why Me?

"Why me?" said Connor.

"Who else, but you?" replied Duncan. "She's your favorite."

Connor regarded his friend with the same steely gaze he'd used back in the Highlands. "I have lots of favorites."

Duncan barely cracked a grin, but his eyes twinkled. "I am somewhat aware of that."

Outside, the leaves were turning. The tips of the trees burned, brushed with a fiery paintbrush and the air shimmered the color of champagne. Crisp air greeted them in the morning when they went for a run. The autumn moon crept larger than life through the sky last night and they'd stayed up sipping scotch to watch it.

"What does she want and why do I think it means work?"

Duncan gestured at him without even looking. "She doesn't really know, Connor, she can't articulate things clearly. All I heard clearly was 'bathtub.' I wager you can guess, though. Look at all the hints she's left."

The elder Scot studied the room. A bowl of ice cream with a cherry on top sat on the table. A cherry? No--she's not a make-love-in-the-morning kind of girl. Sometime I'll have to figure out why not... Ice cream. A spoon. A stuffed white seal. A white seal? Ice cream and a seal?

Duncan left him there quietly contemplating. Richie was eating toast and eggs in the kitchen and there were five CDCers all gabbing and sipping coffee with him. The lithe young man looked like a fox in the henhouse and Duncan smiled to see him.

"Where is the old man?"

"Which one?" asked hayden with a laugh.

"The really old one."

"He stalked through here in a hideous shirt complaining about losing a bet."

"Ahhh, good. He's working." Duncan poured a cup of coffee and quirked an eye at the obvious strength of the brew. "Looks like MacNair did the 'go-juice' this morning."

"Yessir and she's definitely put the !GO! in the 'go-juice' and you've been warned," said Sharz.

"I am warned," replied Duncan, exiting the kitchen. He found Methos leaning against the bathroom doorframe with a wad of wallpaper crumpled around his feet. "That didn't take long to tear off."

"Ahh, the modern conveniences. I used the clothes steamer and it came right off." Methos jammed his hands down in his pockets. "Why are we tearing apart the bathroom, anyway? There's nothing wrong with it except the silly shower curtain that k'lynn likes. As a matter of fact, this has become k'lynn's bathroom entirely. There isn't a one of us that wants to pick up all her toys and wigets and soap-a-ropes and what-not to even TAKE a shower in here!"

Duncan didn't ask what Methos considered a wiget. Nor did he correct his term about k'lynn's 'soap-on-a-rope' collection. "I'm not sure what we're doing to this bathroom ... but let's go see Connor. I bet he's figured it out already."

They both trouped to find Connor MacLeod, who was now eating the ice cream and studying the seal on the table. lynnann had been through the room; she'd fastened a green napkin around Connor's neck to keep him from drizzling ice cream on the oriental rug--a habit she'd picked up from taking care of k'lynn.

"So, what's this all about, Highlander?" Methos inquired, slouching against the nearest doorframe. "And how did you rate ice cream at eight in the morning?"

"The seal doesn't have any spots," he said.

Duncan said nothing, waiting for the eureka moment which he knew was sure to come. He didn't have long to wait. "I've GOT it!" Connor rose with a laugh and ice cream hit the wall with a splick. Methos chased the drop with a finger.

"So, what are we doing today?"

"The seal doesn't have any spots. It's clean. She watched the National Geographic Special the other night with me and it was all about seals--she was intrigued with how they get into the water." He grinned, thinking, already ahead of his words and into the structure of the house. "She wants a seal slide from her closet into her tub."

Methos groaned. "Why does it always involve knocking holes in the walls? Do you know how many thousands of years I longed for a house with no holes in the walls?"

MacNairCDC
October 9, 2004

This is pacem's fault!

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