Death by Mangos

 

 

Disclaimer:  The characters of Richie, Methos, Connor MacLeod and Duncan MacLeod belong to DPP. These stories are for entertainment only; there is no profit involved.

Anchor links to individual stories:

Ennaj's Arrival & Housing The Spooks! Adult Themes
T'was The Night Before Christmas Language
Getting Connor's Birthday Cake Adult Themes
Godiva, lahoffy & Orcs, Oh My!
Denise Does Decorating Adult Themes
For Denise, The Leather Keeper
Twenty Reasons To Toss Methos In The Pool In His Beer Chair
The Snowball Fight
Vidalia Sneaks In

Death By Mangos!

haydencdc

*IMPORTANT NEWS ALERT*

Mango Body Butter. Yes that's right Mango body Butter. Available at

http://www.carolsdaughter.com/

Thoughts floating thru Highlander brains--

Hmm. Mango Body Butter. Willing ladies. *WWGs*


Sheeza

Yes, but who is the applier and who is the apply-ee?

Interesting notion. Wonder how they got the sugar content out?


MacNairCDC

You mean you can't just...put a lump in the middle of their stomach and ... er ... roll?

>giggle<

Gives 'happy puppy' a whole new meaning...


Sheeza

MacNair, I'd think if you put a lump on their stomach, you wouldn't roll, you'd sl-i-i-i-i-i-de....

*snicker*


MacNairCDC

I would?

Hmmm, would that require a running start?

"NO RUNNING!" shouts an alarmed voice. "Sheeza? Are you trying to kill one of us? Quit giving her ideas!"

"Cannonball!"

"!A-A-A-A-AH!"


Sheeza

Hush now ... you telling me that isn't a good way to go?

Yeah, thought so. Now hold still while MacNair applies more lotion.

Boogedy Boogedy Boogedy...here she comes! We felt the air from her....


MacNairCDC

"Hmmmm, something about this landing isn't quite right."

"Moanwhimpergroan" from the floor. (Even as a non-syllable, everyone can hear Connor's accent.) (How does he do that, anyway?)

"I think I need a bigger landing pad. Duncan? Get down here beside Connor."

"No! NO! NO WAY!" (Insert sound of booted feet against the floor scrambling desperately to get away in "Shaggy" of Scooby-Do fashion.)

"Come here, you big 'fraidy cat!" WHUMP-PH! "Let's see--apply dollop of Mango..." Blu-u-uck! "...And you're ready for testing..."

"I am *going* to die!"

"You'd better not turn either, or she'll miss the mango! Do you know what your hide does when she hits you and there's no *skid* to her skid?" offered Connor.


Denise from Kansas City

No, I don't know.....but I want to find out!


lahoffyCDC

Do the words: "You're immortal. You'll survive" ring any bells? Geesh, what babies.

When's it my turn? *whine, whimper*


MacNairCDC

"She can't!"

"She can!"

"SHE CAN'T!"

"She IS!"

"MacNair? Tell lahoffy to at LEAST take off the halo before she tries this?" pleaded Duncan amidst the swathe of Mango-butter that was beginning to look more like a pool of Mango-butter. A pool with two nekkid Highlanders in it.

"Okay, lahoffy ... no halos."

"But, b-but ... I fell nekkid without my halo!"

The pool of Mango-butter started chuckling.

"It's slippery, dearie," tsk-tsked MacNair. "You wouldn't want to be cutting anything off with that thing, would you?"

"A-A-AUGG!" said the pool of Mango-butter.


lahoffyCDC

*snork*

DANG IT MACNAIR!!!! Pepsi hurts when it's snorked up the nose!!!!


MacNairCDC

"Ew-w-w-w!"

"LaHOFFY!?" protested Connor, horrified. "Look what that fizzy stuff is doing to our Mango-butter!"

"Wow, that looks like a cauldron of something evil!" MacNair and lahoffy said in unison.

"...And it ... feels ... like ... like... !"

"Out! Get out!" shouted Duncan, shoving Connor out of the pool while he scrambled free on the other side.

The Mango-butter churned and roiled, turned funny colors and emitted a spark or two, before settling to a hiss that threatened to remove skin if someone stepped in it.

"Dang. We'll have to do another experiment in another room. Come along, boys..."

The Highlanders trudged away after lahoffy.

"Psst, k'lynn? Nice going with the special effects!" MacNair whispered around the doorframe. "I'll put a jar of the butter on your desk for you."

The pool burbled, then giggled. "Conni-butter!"


Sheeza

Oh MacNair...You sure are a hoot and a half!~ *G*

Still not sure why death seems to be so much the concern here. These two boys are young, spent many decades in the craggy Highlands of Scotland, lived with campfire and by their wits.

Are you implying or intimating that our sweet boys are now soft and unable to handle a little tromp/romp from the herd/flock/gaggle/passle of women?


MacNairCDC

No, I think they're just trying to wheedle some sympathy out of the herd/flock/gaggle/passle of women. *g*

And, it's not working because there's a lineup of women waiting to play slip-n-slide with the Mango-butter.


haydencdc

hmm can immortals die by mango--and do they really care?

shehhhsheh

Oh, Connor says it's his favorite way to go!


MacNair's Lists

MacNairCDC

It suddenly dawned on me last night,

that we leave for g'ma's Wednesday morning.

And I'm not packed.

The holiday Cookie Bake hasn't happened yet.

The house isn't clean in order to be POUNCED on with Christmas decorating the moment my feet reenter the place.

The roses are not cut down for the winter. (Hubby is being neurotic!)

And my list for all of this stuff to do isn't made! (True horror!)

:)

I should be around tonight, barring disaster!


lahoffyCDC

WHAT??? *horrified gasp*

NO list???? Can this be?? Did the world end and I missed it???

MacNair without a list? Just not possible!!!


pacemCDC

lets help MacNair make a list

LIST OF IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO BEFORE THANKSGIVING:

1. Pack clean underwear for all the kids (G'mas like that).

2. Fill fridge with beer for Methos.

3. Cut roses back.

4. Try out mango-butter gymnastics.

5. Report to clansibs on #4.

6.

oops I gotta go.........help me out here lahoffy or anyone who is around.


MacNairCDC

*giggle*

You're too much, Pacem! Now you're helping me with my list?

Let's see...

Number four: After several test runs, Mango butter has determined to be best utilized during a "frontal approach." Full applications achieved greater results compared to ... ahh ... sparing applications.

Test subject must remain still during the application process, lest they end up with a bellybutton full of goo.

Greater slide capabilities are achieved when you take a run at it, but application coverage is at maximum if ... er ... a somewhat slower approach is used.

(This had to be tested quite a bit.)

(Results were foiled by Connor attempting to hide during one approach, whereupon the whole series of experiments had to be started over.)

(This examiner wondered if the test subject did that deliberately.)

(Duncan said he'll never look at another mango.)

(Connor said "You never look at the mango in the first place--you always look at the nekkid girl feeding it to you!") (Duncan wants to know how they got the butter in the mango.)


haydencdc

number 6

6. supervise house cleaning by half nekkid Highlanders

7. pack up travel toys for kids

8. Get Christmas decorations down from attic

9. Hang Mistletoe and verify that it works

10. report to clansibs about mistletoe

11 (next)


MacNairCDC

Mistletoe?!

"No! That's NOT what she said!"

"Are you *sure?*"

"MacLeod, you must have gotten some of that Mango-butter in your ears! That is NOT what she said!"

"Con-n-nor-r-r-r?"

"WHAT?" from down the hallway.

"Didn't hayden just say that number nine on the list was to hang Methos by a toe and verify that he works?"

~silence~

~more silence~

~silence like an ominous fog creeping up only to LAUGH hysterically right in your ear~

"Dun-n-ncan-n-n?" sing-songed sweetly from down the hall.

"What, Connor?"

"Have you still got that Mango-butter in your ears?"


MacNairCDC

Mistletoe thought number TWO...

"Let's see ... does this one work?"

smooche

"Okay, good. Does this one work?"

smooche

"How about this one over here?"

smooche

"And this one?"

smooche

"How about this little two leaf one?"

smooche

"How about this cow-bunga dude humongous one?"

smooche

"Hey!?"

~pause~

smooche!

"Oh ... okay ... that's better. How about THIS one?"

smooche

"There's another one over there..."

smooche

(Mistletoe testing falls into the job description of young immortals.)

(Methos would like to take this moment to remind all of you that they're *all* young. *g*)

~finis!~
Mon Nov 25 2002

Top



T'was The Night Before Christmas

Denise from KC, December 21, 2002

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the compound

Not an immortal was stirring, not even Rich, making a snack round.

Our silk stockings were flung over the bedpost with no care

We were wikked wenchs, no hopes that St Nick would be there.

We women were nestled all snug in our beds

While visions of Highlanders danced in our heads.

When down by the pool there came such a clatter,

Connor sprung from his bed to see what was the matter.

Down the stairs he flew like a flash

Throwing on his robe (darn it) and tying the sash.

The moon reflected off the pool of drool like snow

And gave the lustre of mid day to objects below.

What to our (we had all followed Connor) wondering eyes did appear

But Methos in a sleigh drawn by eight large smelly reindeer.

He was in disguise but swearing in ancient Ur and drinking a brew Quck

So we all knew he wasn't the real St. NicK

More rapid than eagles his curses came

and he swore and shouted and called them all by a bad name.

MacNairCDC ~~~~~~

"On Flasher! Now, Streaker! Now, Dunder-head and Dix,

Oh, come on now, dammit, we've no time for this!

No, you can't have a smoke or a Scotch or any of that!

Get your a$$ moving, Connor, and Stupid, and Zack

And you there, Duncan, leading in this muck--

Watch it with the landings, you're spilling my Quck!

To the top of the railing, to the top of the roof,

Pick up the pace or I'll give you my boot!"

As soggy leaves that before the wild hurricane resist,

When they meet with an obstacle, crouch low and stick.

So out in the driveway the coursers they stopped,

With a sleigh full of sacks and Methos (who was quite cross!)

And then in a twinkle, Connor heard through the window

The stomping and swearing of one old immortal.

He drew in his head, and was turning around,

When Methos threw open the door and entered with a frown.

He was dressed all in leather, from his head to his footgear,

And the brew dripped off his sleeves from a spill with the beer.

One large sack he had, clutched in his hand

Connor knew in an instant, This must be the man!

His eyes how they squinted! His mouth a straight line!

To Duncan's present pile, he went on a beeline!

He opened the sack and rummaged to and fro,

Drew out a large package, tied with a sloppy bow.

"There," he said, between clenched teeth,

As he added the box to the colorful heap.

"You can't say I forgot, you Highlander fellow

This stuff has more kick--it'll turn you to jello!"

He was crabby and cross, a right cranky old elf

Connor laughed when he heard him, in spite of himself.

Methos whirled about and twisted his head,

But the Highlander just laughed, feeling no dread.

The leatherclad man glared and pulled his vest with a jerk,

"Just *what* are you doing snooping while I work?"

"I'm guarding the presents," Connor said, "didn't you know?

I should have guarded my Boom-boom, I suppose."

"Hmph," returned the grumpy Methos with a pout,

Then he turned on his heels and went back out.

He climbed into his sleigh, to his team gave a swat

And away they all rumbled at a very slow trot.

But Connor heard him exclaim as he 'rounded the pool and was clear,

"Don't drink all that Boom-boom without me, you hear?"



VERSION TWO:

Denise from KC, December 21, 2002

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the compound

Not an immortal was stirring, not even Rich, making a snack round.

Our silk stockings were flung over the bedpost with no care

We were wikked wenchs, no hopes that St Nick would be there.

We women were nestled all snug in our beds

While visions of Highlanders danced in our heads.

When down by the pool there came such a clatter,

Connor sprung from his bed to see what was the matter.

Down the stairs he flew like a flash

Throwing on his robe (darn it) and tying the sash.

The moon reflected off the pool of drool like snow

And gave the lustre of mid day to objects below.

What to our (we had all followed Connor) wondering eyes did appear

But Methos in a sleigh drawn by eight large smelly reindeer.

He was in disguise but swearing in ancient Ur and drinking a brew quick

So we all knew he wasn't the real St. Nick

More rapid than eagles his curses came

and he swore and shouted and called them all by a bad name.

Lynnann's ~~~~

"You mangy creatures, you *#^&@#!$! reindeer

You jostled the sleigh and made me spill my beer!"

"It's all over my suit, and all over the sled.

Dash it all! Dash it all! I wish you were dead!"

Connor did chuckle, while Duncan did roar.

That ancient immortal had forgotten the score

If wishes were horses then beggers would ride

but at the Compound a genie did bide

And then in a twinkling the reindeer did slant

and the wish made by Methos, the genie did grant.

Richie held his head he was laughing so hard

there right before them lay reindeer roasts in the yard.

Lots of fur, lots of wailing from girls disappointed

But Methos exclaimed, "With the beer I'm anointed."

"It isn't my fault, It isn't my doing!"

but Connor and Duncan and Richie were spewing.

The lights then did twinkle and k'lynn did arrive

she frowned at the genie, "mak dem alive!"

The genie did stomp and gritted his teeth

"It takes more than magic, it takes belief!"

"I bleeve," said the sprite, "and connie duz 2

Efen Dunkie and richie babe do."

"Da girls dey bleeve, and ennaj she sez aye.

So mak dem stand up, or i'm gonna cry."

"But what about him," the genie he pointed

and Methos just growled, he was still disappointed.

"Meetoes bleeve, cuz i sey so, make raindere alive

Make dem go, go , go GO!"

The genie he nodded, and all was fixed up,

The reindeer arose, the reindeer stood up.

Methos nodded, so sorry to cause such a ruckus,

he knew from Santa he'd probably get bupkis!

k'lynn did swarm over the silly old guy

and dove into the sack and was heard to cry:

"We gotz prezzies for all, so no more boohooing!"

And that was for all their very undoing.

They laughed and unwrapped and had a merry good time

it was Christmas for all - in a silly parTay rhyme.

The End!
December 21, 2002

Top



Ennaj's Arrival

Connor paused in the middle of cleanup duty and looked at his kinsman who was valiantly trying to remove the burn marks from the edge of the pool.

"Do you hear that?" the elder Highlander asked.

"What?"

"A sort of ... eerie howling noise coming from the East. It's very faint, but I think it's getting closer..."

Duncan stood up, head cocked and eyes closed, listening intently (a pose which suited him as well as every other one does, incidentally), then gave an abrupt nod. "Yeah, I hear it now." he said. "It is getting closer, but I've got no idea what it is."

"Me either," replied Connor, then yelled into the house, "Hey, Methos? Can you hear that wailing noise? You ever hear anything like that?"

Upstairs, the ROG pulled his nose out of the book he'd been enjoying and dragged his senses back into the present. The noise was definitely louder now and seemed to be heading straight for their little sanctuary. He listened for only a split second before leaping to his feet with a panicked cry of "Oh shit!" and sprinting downstairs and outside. The two Scotsmen watched in surprise as he shot out of the door, nearly falling into the pool in his haste.

"What's wrong?" asked Duncan. "Do you know what the noise is?"

"Do I know? DO I KNOW!" yelped Methos. "Don't you two have the sense you were born with, you muddle-headed barbarians? That's the sound an incoming evil twin makes when traveling at supersonic speeds! Get the fairy lights, quick!"

The Highlanders paled and joined Methos' frantic search for the Christmas decorations. They didn't have anywhere ready to put another evil twin and k'lynn didn't like to share. If the new one got here before the defenses were up--it didn't bear thinking about...

"Who can it be?" Connor asked, as he upturned the toy drawer. "We've already got a spectre! And why now? There haven't been any amazing frus for a while and none of us would leave E.T. bait out by accident! Why didn't we have more warning dammit?!"

"I don't know," Duncan snapped back. "Just keep looking--it's getting louder and none of us will be safe if we don't get this sorted!"

Methos paused in the middle of searching under the sofa. "None of us... Wait a minute, where's Ryan?"

"I think he's still hiding from Connor behind the dishwasher. He should be safe enough there," said Duncan, just as Richie strolled through from the kitchen.

"Hi guys. Anyone else hungry? I found the most amazing chocolate mousse in the fridge, you gotta try it..." he said, then stopped in confusion. "What's up? Are you still looking for Connor's speedos, cause I think I saw one of the girls run off with them as a souvenir..."

The older immortals stood frozen as the youngest talked, a terrible realization dawning.

"Chocolate mousse?" Connor whispered. "You don't think - surely it couldn't be..." just as Methos and Duncan came to the same conclusion and shouted in unison, "Oh, no! Not Ennaj!"

There was a dead, shocked silence. Then Rich faltered, "She's coming here? But, but... she sets fire to things!"

"She better not" Duncan groaned. "I haven't cleaned up from the last one yet..."

"And she likes that bit in Endgame! What are we going to DO?"

"Do? We're going to hide, that's what. It's too late for counter measures! We have to split up and take cover!" commanded Methos. "It's every man for himself, now," he added as he bolted for the stairs.

Connor, Duncan, and Rich exchanged glances and looked skywards in dismay. The noise was near deafening now and in that instant, they realized Methos was right. The only hope left to them was to hide. As one they moved.

Richie nearly fell over his own feet as he headed back into the kitchen, the sudden panic making him clumsy. He jumped back into the space behind the dishwasher, praying that the mousse he had eaten didn't make him too big to squeeze back in...

Connor sprinted out into the garden and dived into the pool without even pausing. There was shrub overhanging the edge on one end and he intended to sit on the bottom where the shade was darkest until the whole crisis was over...

Meanwhile, Duncan followed Methos' example and headed upstairs. He remembered which closet was k'lynn's just in time to stop himself from jumping in it and quickly yanked open the next one,

"Find your own hiding place," hissed Methos, and slammed the door shut again.

Suddenly, the wailing noise stopped. Duncan looked around frantically, and then dived under the nearest bed. Just as his feet disappeared into the shadows, a new voice was heard in the CDC refuge...

"oh boy-oys! come out an play-ay! i've got lots of toys and i have the best ideas of what to do with em too... you had a flame thrower already so i didn't bring mine but i got everything else!

"boys?

"boys?

"oooh, i like hide and seek! here i come, ready or not!"

And the owner of the new voice (which was Scottish, and definitely female) gave a wikkid chuckle and skipped off to search for her new playmates...


The CDC house was still and quiet, the only sound the occasional scuff from Ennaj's shoes as she skipped around looking for people to play with.

Outside in the pool, Connor was getting bored. He couldn't hear any explosions or screams--perhaps the new spook wasn't as bad as they had feared? He cautiously floated to the surface and took a look around. Nothing. The only sign that there was a visitor was a large box sitting at the door into the house. He hesitated, then shrugged and pulled himself out of the water to go and take a look at it.


Upstairs, Methos was still ensconced in the closet and Duncan remained under the bed. They had heard Ennaj go skipping past, but she hadn't looked in either of their hiding places so they were feeling fairly safe, though still a little nervous. The footsteps came back along the corridor then tripped lightly back downstairs and they both sighed in relief and tentatively ventured out in the open. Duncan looked over at the ROG and had just taken a breath to speak when there was a sudden yelp of surprise from the garden and they froze in place.

"Aaargh!"

"That sounds like Connor, " whispered Duncan. "She must have caught him"

"Better him than us" replied Methos fervently just as a whoop of joy came to their ears, followed almost immediately by a muffled yell from Connor.

"What did he say? I can't make it out..." said Duncan.

"I think it was something about his shirt. Maybe she's trying to steal it?"

There was another yell from below, this one carrying clearly to the listeners.

"Hey, point that squeezy bottle somewhere else..." *squirt* "What the?... Chocolate sauce?!"

"Oh, dear," said Duncan. "Hide?"

"Hide" agreed Methos.


At the front of the house stood another new arrival to the CDC house. She was looking at the building with a rather determined expression on her face, when she too heard the first yelp of surprise from Connor. Rolling her eyes resignedly, she picked up a large coil of fairy lights from the ground, slung it over her shoulder and wandered round the back to the poolside. And was stopped in her tracks by the scene that met her eyes... Connor MacLeod was shirtless and lying dazed on the ground while a small figure painted patterns on his chest from a squeezy bottle.

The new arrival examined the situation briefly, dropped the fairy lights to the ground, and spoke (with a Scottish accent, natch).

"Ennaj? Do you really think you should be doing that?"

Ennaj looked up in surprise, then nodded enthusiastically. The new person (who, it could now be seen, bore a striking resemblance to Ennaj) started to speak again, then paused, raising an eyebrow.

"Wait a minute, is that chocolate sauce?"

"uh-huh" replied the spook with a wicked grin. "he's tasty. wanna play? we can make a sundae"

On the ground, Connor collected himself enough to look up, hoping that this new arrival would be able to extricate him from his position. But as soon as he saw the unholy grin spreading across her face, he gave it up as a lost cause and resigned himself to his sweet, sticky fate...

"OK" said the newcomer. "Pass the bottle", and pounced.


In contrast to the earlier silence, the garden was now filled with sound. Yelps and giggles and strange squirting noises filled the air, followed by happy sighs and soft moans.

Eventually, a voice spoke.

"too much sauce. i feel sick - want to play mirrorball now, twin?"

"Nope, here's good for me. I'm still hungry," came the reply.

"Do I get an option?" asked Connor faintly from the bottom of the pile of bodies. The two heads shook rapidly and there were twin sniggers as he tried to look miserable and put upon (and failed miserably).

"Don't be silly. Anyway, you know you're enjoying this. Ennaj, why don't you go find some of the others? I'm sure they'll play mirrorball with you."

Ennaj looked sulky. "looked. couldn't find em."

Her twin thought briefly. "Did you try under the beds? Or in the cupboards?"

"oooh. good idea," Ennaj carolled happily and bounced to her feet. "music?"

"NIN," came the distracted reply.

"perrrfect"

And Ennaj cartwheeled off inside the house, pausing only to pick up her box and the discarded fairy lights. After a short silence, the heavy bass of industrial rock could be heard. The new arrival grinned, settled more comfortably on top of her prey and picked up the bottle again.


Ok, Connor admitted to himself after a while. The chocolate sauce thing was actually quite good fun but he was a little worried about what might be in store for his kinsman.

"How do you play mirrorball?" he asked.

"Oh it's quite easy... Ennaj sets the mirrorball spinning and treats every dot of light it produces on someone's body as a target. She likes to use the chopsticks..."

"She's going to skewer Duncan?" Connor gasped in alarm.

"No, I persuaded her to only do that with vampires. Everyone else she just tickles. And she's quite good at sneakily removing people's clothes while they're wiggling about too"

There was a sudden series of thumping noises from upstairs in the house followed by a burst of laughter and shouts of protest.

"Duncan" muttered Connor.

"Mmmm-hmmm. Hold still..."

After a bit, there was a further commotion in the house. Footsteps ran along the upper floor and stopped abruptly with a loud thud. The two in the garden stopped their play and grinned as more laughter started, mixed with swear words in several languages.

"Must be Methos"

"Mmmm. Must be."

"Think we should rescue them?"

"Nah, wait till it gets quiet--it's much safer! My turn for the bottle..."

"No it's not--I'm nowhere near finished with that..."

"C'mon, give me a turn! Give it here"

"Hey!"

There was a brief struggle before the victor raised the bottle triumphantly. *squirt...thhhpt...ffff*

"Damn. It's empty," said a disappointed voice.

"Relax, we've got more in the larder," said Connor.

"I knew you were enjoying this..." grinned the newcomer.


Entering the house, the sticky pair stopped dead in shock and then collapsed in hysterical laughter. If they hadn't been so busy fighting over the possession of the chocolate sauce they would have realized that the only sounds from the house were from the NIN CD. And the reason why was waiting for them in the living room.

They laughed so much that Mathos and Duncan dragged themselves up from the exhausted puddles Ennaj had left them in and staggered downstairs to find out what was going on, trailing bits of clothing behind them. (Duncan's shirt was hanging from one arm and Methos had managed to lose his trousers, though he wasn't entirely sure how that had happened). Once in the room, they too were unable to keep from laughing.

By now, Connor, was sliding helplessly down the wall. Methos discovered he hadn't breathed for a few minutes and turned away to try a reclaim some oxygen and Duncan just leaned against the doorframe and whooped, tears sliding down his face.

In the centre of the room sat Ennaj, looking upwards with a rapt expression. And above her...

...suspended from the ceiling fan...

...was Richie. Wrapped in flashing fairy lights and spinning gently like a large, human shaped mirrorball.

"Guys? Guys?" he hissed. "Stop laughing! Get me down, I'm getting dizzy!"

"But you look so festive," gasped Methos, sending Duncan (who'd almost managed to stop laughing) back into fits of giggles. "I think we've found the perfect decoration for the next par-tay!"

Richie's look of disgust only made them laugh more but after a long time, the shoulders stopped shaking and the peals of mirth died away into gasps for breath. Throughout it all, Ennaj sat mesmerized beneath her bauble, oblivious to the commotion around her. A phenomenon that Methos eventually noticed.

"Rich, we'll get you down in a minute. I promise. But this may be our best chance to get this new evil twin under control"

"You're righ,t" said Duncan. "She's completely hypnotized! Let's grab her, quick!"

They surged forward only to be met by a ferocious glare from the newcomer (who they'd temporarily forgotten about) that made them back off rapidly.

"God, if looks could kill..." murmured Duncan. "Connor, who's your friend? She glares worse than you do!"

"Gentlemen, I just prevented you from making a very foolish move. No one with any sense would try and grab this particular evil twin. Just stand back and I'll show you how it's done..."

She rooted around in Ennaj's box before moving to the hifi. The music suddenly changed from rock to Celtic flavored dance, soothing and melodic. Then she quietly walked over to Ennaj and sat down beside her.

"look. pretty." said the sprite.

"Very. I like the lights." There was a pause while the two of them watched Rich revolve, eerily similar smiles on their faces. Then the less manic one spoke again.

"Have you introduced yourself to k'lynn yet?"

"uh-uh"

"Don't you want to give her those presents? I think she's really going to like them. Why don't you go and find her and try and make friends? She's in the closet with the locks on the outside and I know she has lots of fun things to play with..."

There was another silence.

"o-kay" said Ennaj, climbing to her feet and wandering up the stairs humming happily along with the music. They heard a door open and a quiet "k'lynn?" then the door slammed shut and everyone sighed in relief.

"See? Subtlety is always best," said the strange female. "I think you can take care of the rest by yourself. Here's a list of the stuff in her box. I've got to go." She sauntered out the house, casually tossing back a final remark, "You'd better find somewhere for Ennaj to stay permanently quick though, she likes a lot of space to dance and if you don't find somewhere, she will." And then she was gone.

Duncan and Connor began trying to lower Rich from the ceiling and untangle him while Methos picked up the list and began trying to find out what the music playing was.

"Ok, Connor, who was that?" asked Duncan as he unwound the lights from Rich's feet.

"You didn't get her name before you let her rip your shirt off? I'm shocked" replied the elder Highlander.

"Not Ennaj, the other one!"

"Well, from the resemblance I'd guess that was Janne," put in Methos from across the room.

"I think you're right. Though as far as wikkidness goes, there isn't really much of a difference" smirked Connor.

There was a chorus of "what does that mean?" from the rest but Connor just grinned infuriatingly and began winding up the string of lights. He'd just stood to put them with the box when Duncan asked a final question.

"Connor? Why do you have chocolate sauce in your belly button?"

The End

Written by JanneCDC

December 2002


Housing the Spooks

"Hot damn, that's a lot of stuff!" announced Rich. He held the document up at arm length to view it, then fixed the other immortals with a long look. "Just how are we supposed to find room for all of this?"

"Well, for certain we can't put her in with k'lynn. The little spectre is fixated on things that stick together ... like paper clips, zippers, Velcro, and coat hangers; not things that take apart, like knives, scissors and scalpels." This lengthy pronouncement was from Methos, who was always keenly observant despite his casual demeanor most of the time.

Connor, studying the list, smiled.

"Quit that."

Connor flinched guiltily at the sharp tone of his clansman. Methos looked inquiringly at Duncan MacLeod, who gave him an eyebrow quirk that meant "Never mind."

"We could try putting her at the end of the house in that spare exercise room. The floor isn't strong enough for the weight set and we never use it," Duncan suggested.

"Kind of off by itself, though. We might want to keep her a bit closer, more centrally located, like k'lynn," Methos returned. "If she gets loose, we'd find out more quickly."

"Centrally located is good," Connor said innocently.

"Quit that."

Methos looked puzzled. Connor isn't doing anything, so why is Duncan all over him?

"A central location, a central location," Rich said aloud, thinking. "The only spots in the middle of the house are the kitchen, the living room areas, the garage, the art room where k'lynn gets to go berserk when we let her, lahoffy's rock-n-roll haven--."

"DON'T take away the haven! I just got it soundproofed so my ears quit shaking when she decides to rock out!" stated Duncan, alarmed by the very thought. "When she wants music, she wants the band to sound like they're in the room, you know!"

Rich rolled his eyes dramatically at his mentor. "Mac, you're just too old to appreciate the finer things like rock. Now where was I?"

"Central locations," reminded Methos, smirking at Duncan's scowl.

"There's the empty room that butts up against mine," Connor announced to no one in particular.

"QUIT that!" Duncan remonstrated, more firmly.

This time Rich noticed. "Just what are you barking at Connor about, Mac? 'Quit' what?"

"Don't you see the list?" incredulously demanded Duncan.

"I'm just trying to find her a spot so she can have all her toys!" protested the elder Highlander. "Remember how k'lynn reacted when we took her bubble wrap and hangers away? You'd think the house was going to fall down! I don't know about you, but I'm not interested in tangling with a little Scottish pyro with sharp chopsticks!"

Duncan swung around, face to face with his brother. "Eh? Why don't you tell them the truth, Connor? That you want her close and central so you can sneak in and share that bottle of Glenmorangie! That's what you're angling at, isn't it? And you want a gander at that sgian-dhu -- and to see if she knows some old dances to some of that piper's music!"

Connor leaned closer to his kinsman, with his shoulders squared and his jaw thrust out determinedly. It was a typical pose for their usual verbal fencing ... but this time, the older man didn't say a thing. His mouth twitched a few times as if to make some protest ... but nothing came out.

"See?" Duncan quipped to the listeners. "Now, quit that, and help us figure out where we can contain her!"

"I've got it!" announced Rich. "The garage! You never park the T-bird in there anyway and it's got lots of room and shelves. She can hang her mirror ball from the center post of the ceiling and crank the music because your room is on the other side of the house. It's got its own ceiling sprinklers, because Connor keeps the fireworks in there, and she can put her gargoyle just outside the door as a warning marker."

"I don't know about that..." muttered Connor. He knew who would get tagged to clean the garage. He had stacked crates to the ceiling when he moved in, unable to part with his trinkets from the past. Everything had been put into boxes hurriedly and without proper packaging. To move it, and put everything into permanent storage, would require repacking almost every single piece correctly. It needs to be done, but ... it will take weeks ... maybe a month!

"And you can't get into the garage without us hearing the door squeak," proudly announced Duncan.

Connor looked chagrined.

"There's room for her to dance," chuckled Methos, who suspected the old Scot of such thinking all along.

"What the devil is a 'siguey doo', anyway?" interjected Rich. Both Highlanders groaned.

"You," Methos pointed one finger at Connor. "You have to clean the garage and pack out all of those boxes. I would suggest hiring someone in, cause I saw the way that stuff arrived."

"I reckoned as much," he said gloomily.

"And get every popper, whizzer, spin-flare-do-hinkey firecracker OUT of that room before she moves in!" ordered Duncan.

"I know. I know." Connor trudged away, looking morose.


k'lynn was startled to hear her closet open for the second time that day. "Wot now? Wot now? Moooor gooooodies?" she prattled in a high state of excitement. The elder Highlander stepped quickly in and slammed the door behind him. "Connie? Delightful, delectible, devilish, determined, dyno-mite Connie?"

"Dynamite?" whispered an accented voice from the dark recesses of the closet.

"Hi k'lynn. I came to pout in your closet. Can I pout in your closet with you?" he said, not registering the second very faint voice.

"Connie pout? Connie cute pout. Pout, Connie, pout," prattled on k'lynn. She opened a small tin and produced an assortment of glow stars in bright colors, which she dumped on her lap. "Stars in lap, Connie. See? Stars no up. Stars in lap!"

"Yes, yes, I see the stars." And he dismissed them with a vague wave of his hand. "Do you know that they want me to clear out the garage!? The WHOLE garage! There must be forty-six boxes of stuff, stacked clear to the heavens in there, from when I moved in and NOW they want me to clear them out! By myself or hire someone in. Do you know how much it costs to hire a crew and then hope to God that they don't drop something 400 years old, and older, while they're packaging it correctly and moving it? And how do you insure something like that when the insurance company demands to know where you GOT it in the first place!?" He paced as he talked, arms gesturing and his sneakers crunching on a medley of paper chains, bottle caps and other debris on the floor. "And I'm immortal. And I keep things, k'lynn. Lots of things."

"Boxes stacked to heaven? See stars from up there," sing-songed k'lynn.

"Dynamite?" said the whispery voice in the back.

"No, no, no. I was speaking figuratively. I meant there's just a lot of boxes, all over."

"Like stars," giggled k'lynn, stirring the glow in her lap.

"It's a lot of work. Plus I have to run the store ... and the tree house needs a new roof after that last rain squall ... and three of the horses need their shoes refitted this week. How am I supposed to get it all done?" Connor continued to lament.

"Move boxes, why?" asked the CDC spectre innocently.

"Umm," the immortal floundered abruptly. How do you tell one deranged wild child that another one has arrived? Would she be upset? Would she feel jealous? He was going to have to double up on the snacks and bubble wrap to appease the little deviant. He didn't want her feeling bereft or forgotten, like he had felt so long ago in the Highlands when he was driven from hearth and kin. "Well, they ... uh ... Duncan wants ... he needs to...."

" U like stars, Connie?" and k'lynn offered one blue one to the stuttering Highlander.

"Dynamite?" whispered the accented voice from the dark depths.

"Stars. Yes, k'lynn, I like the stars just--" he paused and focused on the glowing object in his fingers. "Stars? Who got you the stars?" He blinked ... and had the most catastrophic feeling settle into his bones. "Where did you get the stars, k'lynn?"

"Sister give. Sister talk strange, like Connie. Listen...."

"Dynamite?"

"Holy cow!"

"No," k'lynn returned, puzzled, "no cows. No room for cows. Smelly, swish tails too much, hay prickly. No cows. Just sister."

"Sister?" he said incredulously.

"Dynamite?" repeated the accented voice. Then, from the back, disentangling from a dark corner of coats and carrying a hubcap that Connor had polished to sheen ... slowly emerged the newcomer. Her hair was awry and her eyes were wild. She clicked her nails against the hubcap ominously and studied him. "Dynamite?"

"No dynamite. Just Connie. Connie dyno-mite. Ennaj, this Connie. Connie, this sister-friend." k'lynn didn't even look away from the yellow glow star in her hand that she was admiring. "Connie do fun things with string."

"No dynamite?" Ennaj sounded annoyed and she tapped louder on the hubcap.

"Now, just be easy there, lass. We can't have dynamite in the house because it's too dangerous for ... um ... for ... for the mortals. Aye, the mortals."

"Lass? Aye?" she repeated, eyeing him with brighter orbs. It was as if she picked up all the meager light from the glow stars and reflected them all eerily.

Connor was sidling towards the closet door and struck it with his heel, the classic signal to someone outside to let him out. k'lynn's door had been changed to a self locking one months ago. Whoever was inside was a prisoner until let back out. No one opened the door and he hit it again ... then again.

Ennaj advanced, step-by-step, her head cocked sideways. She was four feet away when she stopped and studied him, tense and poised for action. Then, abruptly, she whipped out a bottle from her motley assortment of clothes and said brightly: "Whisky?"


Slide, thump.

"What the heck is that noise?" Duncan inquired to the room. Rich was working on a thesis for a college class and Methos was buried in what looked to be an epic.

Slide, thump.

"I have no idea, but it might be Connor starting to work on the garage." This came from Methos, who didn't even look up.

Duncan waited for a moment, on his feet, before sighing. "I should go and help him, you know. He helped me move the last time and he was the first one up and the last one to bed every night."

"So? Go help." This from Methos, who didn't look up.

Duncan left.

Slide, thump.

"How am I supposed to think with that noise going on?" Rich complained.

"Ignore it." Methos said, not looking up.

Slide, thump.

"Damn it all!" and the younger man slapped shut his laptop and went off to see what the noise was about.

"The patience of youth," Methos commented without looking up.

Slide, thump. Slide, thump. Slide, thump.

One of the CDC girls came through with her arms laden with snacks and drink glasses. Methos looked up for this, but she didn't even pause for him and walked right through the library. He raised an eyebrow as she disappeared and then shut the heavy tome in his hands.

Slide, thump.

"I suppose I'd better go investigate," he said to the books that covered the walls. "I'll just follow all of these 'slide, thumps', to find them."

Through the living room, past the open foyer, around the sun room chock full of plants ... Methos was stunned to find k'lynn's closet door wide open. He peered cautiously into the depths, knowing that if her door was open, the little spitfire wasn't in there anymore. Yet, the compound was quiet and there were no shouts of alarm.

Slide, thump.

"Except for that infernal noise," Methos added dryly. He went on, following the telltale thumps that led him straight to the garage, where he encountered a fascinating sight!

The CDCers were moving the contents of the garage along with Connor, Duncan, and Rich. This, in itself, wasn't peculiar. The whole compound showed up for special events for the most part. No, what was fascinating was k'lynn and Ennaj, half babbling nonsense to each other and half clearly coherent--moving boxes!

"Ennaj takes apart. k'lynn puts together," chanted one.

"This one shiny. Give to Connie."

"Shinyshinyshinyshiny," pattered Ennaj and she slid the box to Duncan, who was standing astride two stacks of boxes, ten feet off the floor.

Slide.

"Heads," shouted the young Scot and he tossed it down to a trampoline on the floor and Rich caught it on the first bounce off.

Thump.

Connor peered into the box and chuckled at the contents. "Part of a set of antique dishes, two brass umbrella stands, and a shepherd's lamp. Send it to the truck for storage," he said and handed it off to the next person in the line.

"This one sharp. Give to Connie."

"Sharp? Sharp? Sharp?"

"No-no, sister. Sharp, give to Connie. Connie share later, okay?"

"Sharp?" Then, more solemnly, "Share later?"

"Share later. Pass it down, wench," called the elder Scot up the enormous pile of boxes.

Ennaj chortled. "Wench? Aye!"

Slide, thump.

Methos took it all in: Ennaj, cutting open crates with a black handled dagger and sliding it to the spectre. k'lynn, sitting atop an enormous stack of bubble wrap and swathing object after object with care, then putting them in smaller boxes. Duncan, halfway to the ceiling, bareback and sweating, wrestling boxes down. The Highlander on the ground looking into boxes and calling the contents out aloud. Sharz wrote the list of items he named, along with the box number, in rows of neat green ink. The rest of the CDCers formed a human chain leading out the door to a moving truck.

"I see you ended up with the whisky, Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod," dryly remarked Methos. He spotted the table with the glasses.

"I have to spring for a new bottle for her. And when we're done and it's night, we have to fire off some poppity-pops," returned the man in question.

"Poppity pops?" laughed Rich, catching another box.

"Poppitypop, poppitypop, poppitypop, poppitypop, poppitypop!" sing-songed a voice from near the ceiling.

Connor pantomimed a rocket going up and then exploding, without making a sound. "Shhh," he cautioned. "They get too excited and drop things if you start talking about those things!"

"Oh. I see." Methos grinned. "Okay, what do you need me to do in this chain gang?"

"You?" Duncan called from the ceiling. "You're the truck driver!"

~The End~

MacNair, kidnapped by Muses Dec, 2002
Blame belongs squarely on the shoulders of k'lynn and Ennaj! Please let me go now!

Top



Getting Connor's Birthday Cake

MacNair and Lynnann:

Oh, that Connor,
he's the man.
If he can't blow out them candles,
ain't no man that can!

Not to worry,
never to fear;
Methos with a fire extinguisher
is standing near!

Oh that Connor
He takes the cake
it took all day
*that* one to bake!

The Clan's lined up
row on row
waiting for their turn
to kiss their beau!

Immortals, too,
but planning pain
armed with paddles
or a stout cane!


pacemCDC

Is there a baker amongst us???

Didn't Sharz make a chiffon pie with cherries on top once?

We can always get a big sheet cake at Farmer Jack's.

(we'll have to take the horse trailer though)


MacNair

"Okay, okay, I get the point," muttered Duncan. He searched around in the garage until he found a single key. "Here you go. One key to the horse trailer." He seized Methos by both shoulders and looked at him. "Do NOT let Connor have this key--not even for an instant, do you hear me?"

"I hear you, I hear you. He won't even see me."


pacemCDC~just helping out a friend

"Pleeeeeaaase, lahoffy", Methos pleaded. "Just attach the horse trailer to your van ... we'll be there and back in no time. I promised Mac--Connor can't see us and we can't waste time. I'll drive...."

VVRROOOOOMM VVRROOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM


MacNairCDC

"You need to have this suspension checked, lahoffy," grated out the old immortal through clenched teeth. "It's a good thing I told the bakery to just send the frosting along instead of them putting it ON the cake."

"I like my rattley old van, thankyouverymuch. It reminds me of a Harley ... sort of."

"With the rear view mirror dangling like this?"

"That's Richie's fault," replied she.

"Just *how* did it happen?"

"Um-m, well ... uh ... we were, uh..."

"Never mind," sighed Methos. "I can guess." He checked his outside mirrors again, watching the double horse trailer--and was aghast to see the flashing lights of a patrol car! "WHAT?!"


pacemCDC

"Oh no," lahoffy moaned as she slid down the seat. Looking squinty eyed at Methos, she asked, "did you by any chance bother to put new tags on the trailer before you hitched it to my van? You 5000 year old......."

"Step out of the car, sir."

Methos heard and, at the same time, felt an immortal presence. He looked up and saw Richie flashing his plastic Lone Ranger badge and laughing hysterically. "I always wanted to do that!" he chuckled.

Just then they both felt another immie presence and coming the other way was Connor and MacNair, who skidded to a gravel-flying stop about 100 feet down the road!


MacNairCDC

"Drat it!" said MacNair. "He was supposed to go the other way to town!"

"Hey? That's the horsetrailer he's towing!" Connor craned his neck some more. "That's MY trailer and the key's been lost, according to Duncan."

"He was suppose to go the *other* way to town," again muttered MacNair.

"Duncan said he had to ask the key-man to come out to rekey it ... and he was booked solid for two months." Connor was head-first out the window, still glaring at Methos across the 100 yards.

"The OTHER WAY to town," droned the voice in the side seat.

"How the hades did HE find a key and not *TELL* me?!" demanded Connor across the gravel-dust-choked distance.

"HE WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE OTHER ROAD TO TOWN, DAMMIT!" MacNair stuck her head out the window for this last vociferous pronouncement and all three people, (lahoffy, Methos and Richie) jumped.

"Uh-oh," said lahoffy.

"UH-oh!" said Richie, "your goose is cooked now, old man!"

"Was I supposed to take the other road into town?" Methos inquired to the windshield. "Ah, well, here we go..." Verv-vervvvv-vrooom, said the engine of the van and Methos cranked the wheel around right there in the road and stomped on the acceleration pedal. The van coughed, choked, sputtered, lurched ... and took off--with the empty horse trailer swaying behind it.

Richie coughed, choked and sputtered himself, but it had nothing to do with his motorcycle and more to do with gravel dust. When it cleared, there was Connor MacLeod, pop-eyed, staring after the quickly retreating van.

"Hey! That's my trailer!" he shouted, and with a terrible SCRR-OOO-IINK of grinding metal, threw his truck into gear to pursue.

MacNair leaned back in her seat and kicked the stick back into neutral. The truck roared from the acceleration pedal ... and didn't move.

"Mac-Nair!" shouted Connor. "They're getting away!"

"Let them," she grated.

"But that's MY trailer!"

"LET THEM, DAMMIT!"

Connor frowned at her, suddenly realizing that she'd sworn twice in a span of ten minutes. What's going ON here?

Richie leaned in the window with all his boyish charm and humor. "Hey, you old fart--you can't go chasing after Methos anyway. You were sent to town after some ice cream and it's melting in the back." He jerked his head down the road, where the dust trail was heading away. "You just get yourself home where you belong ... I'm sure that trailer will show up later."

Connor paused and stared up the road. "Is this something you're hatching up for my birthday?" He looked at MacNair, who looked quite grumpy. "Uh-oh, and the surprise is ruined?"

"I'll just kill him later."

"Now, now, now, MacNair. I'll still act surprised. No one will know that I saw him leave with it." He smiled, delightedly. "I can't WAIT to see what he brings back!"


Methos: "Whew, I think we got away. Richie and MacNair must have kept him from chasing me."

lahoffy: "Good thing. We would have had to explain all that waxed paper back there to keep his cake clean!"

::ring::ring::ring:: said the cell phone.

Methos, dubiously: "Hello?"

MacNair's-Minnie-Mouse-voice on the phone: "Well, old boy, you'd better fill that horse trailer up with something GOOD now, because he expects it."

Methos, slightly alarmed: "Som--something GOOD?!"

MacNair's M-M-V: "Yeah, r-e-a-l good."

Methos: "Damn! I should have taken the other road!"


pacemCDC

Methos looked worried but ... glanced sideways at lahoffy to see if she noticed.

lahoffy was still crouched down in the seat, wincing as the trailer fishtailed behind them causing great clouds of dust and gravel.

Methos, regaining his composure and with butter-melting charm, brightly said, "You know, we've got to do something *really* special for Connor's birthday. It's not everyday you turn 485."

lahoffy grumbled that she didn't think she'd make it to 25 at the rate Methos was driving.

"No, really, what could we do to make Connor happy? Hmmmmmmmm ... Connor loves the CDCers and all their friends. What if we have all of you jump out o........."

lahoffy jumped up, flicked her halo at him and started sputtering, "Of all the hackneyed, preposterous, absurd ideas. That one takes the cake!!!! No pun intended!"

Methos came back with wide-eyed innocence just dripping from every word, "Now, now, lahoffy, where is your sense of fun? And it wouldn't have to be all of you jumping out of the cake -- we have the frosting in tubs. You could just cover yourselves in frosting and decorously lounge around the cake. Sort of like confection camouflage."

lahoffy muttered, "I'd like to confection you," but instead got an evil grin and with sparkling eyes said, "Sure, we could do that--but you've got to help, okay? I've got to call the others and let them in on this. They will have to have the shed open when we get there so we can get the trailer back in and lose the key. I'm going to crawl in the back of the van so I can make sure all the clansibs know what to do when we get there."

Methos hummed happily, the trailer swayed merrily and lahoffy directed CDCers and friends conspiratorially in her plan which included hayden and her super-soakers filled with blue frosting....


MacNairCDC--random comments inside the shed:

"Blue? Are you nuts? We'll all look like SMURFS!"

"I kinda like blue. We could all have blue bikinis."

"Ixnay on the ikinisbay for me. Just cover me up completely and make him *guess* who I am!"

"Does Connor like blue?"

"How're we going to get this out of our hair?"

"Can we lick frosting while we wait?"

"Eww--w-w-w-w-w-w-w!"

"Okay, okay, okay..."

"Who's going to shoot hayden so SHE'S a decoration?"

"Hey, can we spell out Connor on the cake?"

"I dunno, but I don't want to be one of those 'O's'!"

"What flavor is this frosting, anyway?"

"Is this going to leave us blue for two weeks?"

"Are we using any props or are WE the props?"

Methos, leaning against the bumper of the horse trailer, smirked at the comments. "Look, girls, we have to move the cake first. Let's all roll the dolly out and maneuver it into the spare garage." He shot a glance at Sharz and Janne. "You *did* clean that space I asked you for, right?"

"Yes, we did." Sharz smiled at Janne. "I don't think we've seen the floor in there for YEARS, but it's clean now and ready for a big bash!"

"...With blue frosting..." added one voice.

"How'd we get blue?" asked another.

"Better than green with STRIPES, don't you think?"

"Ar-r-gh! Tartan frosting?"


lahoffyCDC

Connor stood outside the garage bracketed on both sides by Duncan and Methos, blindfolded.

"I don't suppose we can just skip this, can we?" grumbled Connor.

"And disappoint the girls?" Duncan responded. "Do you have any idea the amount of time and work they put into this surprise?"

"Not to mention the fact that I had to drive lahoffy's van. Dang thing needs shocks as well." Methos muttered as he gingerly rubbed a delicate portion of his anatomy.

"Did you make sure the fire insurance was up to date, Duncan?"

"Connor MacLeod! You are going to go in there, act surprised, have a good time and stop your incessant fretting about the damn fire insurance!!"

"Hayden's in there, right? I have to worry about fires when she's around!"

"Should have gagged you as well as blindfolded you."

"Heh, heh, heh."


MacNairCDC

(From inside the shed)

"Shhhh, here they come!"

"How can you hear a thing with all that frosting in your ears?"

"Shhhh!"

"We're suppose to freeze or move or ???"

"Shhhh! He'll hear us!"

"Will you three be quiet over there? You're spoiling the effect!"

"WHAT effect? We're a bunch of mostly nekkid women dressing in 'oh so tasty' blue frosting, sitting around on a cake?!"

"Some of us are lying down, you know..."

"SHHH!"

"And it's the 'mostly nekkid' part that Connor wants anyway..."

"Yeah, four hundred-eighty-five and *still* a drooly teenager!"

"Yeah-baby!"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Think he'll mind not having candles on this cake?"

"After last year's re-lighting fiasco? Certainly!"

"Hey, I though it was funny!"

"SHHHHHH!"

::tap::tap::tap::tap:: A voice from outside called through the door: "Here comes the BIRTHDAY BOY!" S-l-o-w-l-y, the door swung open. S-l-o-w-l-y, Connor was shuffled inside...

Methos smirked and nodded approvingly, but Duncan stared, mouth agape and then clamped a hand over his mouth to stop a shriek of hysteria at the scene...


lahoffyCDC

Methos could see that Duncan was in no condition to talk. What with the tears pouring from his eyes and the way he was leaning against the door to keep standing.

"Make a wish, Connor, and I'll remove the blindfold."

"Oh God! Tell me there are not 485 candles on that thing! I didn't bring my katana!"

A muffled squeak escaped Duncan's lips as he tried to contain his hysterical laughter. Is there ANYTHING these girls won't do? he thought wildly.

"Would you just make a wish, you silly Scot!"

Connor thought for a moment, then nodded. "Okay. Done."

Methos whipped off the blindfold and stepped back.

Connor's eyes bugged out at the sight that greeted his eyes once they'd adjusted. Various girls in various states of dress (and undress) were lounging on one of the largest sheet cakes he'd ever seen, all decked out in blue frosting.

"Surprise!" They all chirped. "Happy Birthday, Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod!"

"And who says wishes don't come true?" Connor mused.


MacNairCDC

Duncan clapped Connor on the back with a throat-clearing cough. "So, what did you wish for, as if I couldn't guess?"

"The usual."

"A gaggle of nekkid women covered with frosting?" innocently inquired Methos.

"The gaggle. The frosting is extra." Connor was still sizing up the enormous cake and the confection clad, cheering, CDCers.

"You wanna know the rules to this cake?" announced one blue face in the crowd.

"Oh, yes, the rule," said another.

"You MUST follow the rule to the letter!"

Connor looked from one face to the next. "More rules? It's my birthday!"

"There are always rules to a cake like THIS," firmly declared another blue girl.

"Okay, okay," the grinning Scot acquiesced. "What is the rule to this cake?"

~ expectant pause ~

"Before you get the cake, you have to lick the frosting off!"

"WHAT!?" He stared in shock.

"Yep. It should take you about four hundred and eighty-five licks, I suspect..." sounded one girl with a halo over her head. (Also dripping with frosting!) "Next year, we'll have to add another ounce of whipping cream! Add that to the list, MacNair!"

~Finis~

Story written for Connor's 485th Birthday, Jan 1, 2003!

Top



Godiva, lahoffy & Orcs, Oh My!

Lahoffy

I LOVE this!

Archivist note: Inserted here was a little angel gif who's halo kept sliding off ... and at the last minute, some *horns* sprouted to hold the halo on!


DeniseCDC from Kansas City

Bwahahaha!!! You're going to have to invest in some horns. It'll help keep your halo from sliding off.


MacNairCDC

I thought lahoffy already had horns?

Oops, my bad. :P

(More horns and she's going to look like Mrs. Darth Maul!)

Oops again. :D

(I'd better get my running shoes on...)


DeniseCDC from Kansas City

Lahoffy already has horns? I didn't know. I thought there were other reasons her halo was always getting bent.

Could you slow down MacNair? I haven't run since the early 80's.


MacNairCDC

*huff* *puff* *huff* *puff*

"I don't, gasp, think she's noticed, gasp, that we're running, gasp, away, Denise!"

"Good." Gasp, cough. "Can we rest a while?"

"I think, gasp, so."

Wheeze, gasp, gurgle, pant, huff, puff, wheeze...

"I'm gonna have to watch it when I'm be-deviling lahoffy."

"Why's that, MacNair?"

"Must be-devil when I'm at the TOP of a hill, next time."

Gasp, cough, pant, puff...

"I'll remind you of that."

"Good, because I didn't write a note for myself."

Wheeze, puff, huff, gasp...

Denise and MacNair: "We don't run to stay fit--we run to stay ALIVE!"


lahoffyCDC

*staring after the two retreating clansibs*

"You see that?" lahoffy remarked to no one in particular as she stood at the doorway. "They actually think I'm gonna run after them."

Methos glanced over her shoulder as he passed by. "Haven't they figured out yet that if chocolate's not involved, you don't move faster than a snail on valium?"


MacNairCDC

"Well, Denise, I guess she's not going to chase us down over the comment that she's ... er ... um ..."

"What? What? Just spit it out, girl?"

"Well ... uh-h ... she's got horns, but she's also got a halo and that makes her ... uh ... oh, fiddlesticks! I can't say it!"

The two clan sisters ponder quietly on what that makes lahoffy and both start giggling and have to sit down on the grass to wipe their eyes.

"So, can she switch back and forth between these two personas quickly?" asked Denise, doing her very *bestest* innocent look. (Which fools darn near nobody around the CDC anymore, but they humor her.)

"I don't know. Duncan goes for the "angel" quite a bit, but Connor goes for the hooo---, er ... the horr---" stuttered MacNair. "Dang! I still can't say it!"

"So, when she's angelic, Duncan chases her and when she's ... uh ... er," tripped Denise, "The other, then Connor chases after her?"

"That's about it. Connor's young and wild, he likes the naughty ones. I think Duncan likes the naughty ones too ... he just pretends he doesn't." MacNair peered down the hill to where lahoffy watched out the window with Methos. "Makes you wonder if she switches back and forth quickly, would both Scots be chasing her?"

"Hey, they do that anyway sometimes," Denise observed. "So, we've run all this way up the hill, but she won't chase after us, pooh!"

"I don't know about that." MacNair searched around in her pocket and came up with a small gold box. "Would you like a Godiva Chocolate?"

"Oh, nummy!"

From down at the kitchen, lahoffy's halo hummmmmmed very faintly and the wearer looked up the hill to spot a flash of gold. "Hey?!"


lahoffyCDC

"Since when did my halo become a chocolate radar? Bad enough that the dang thing's a lie detector, now it detects chocolate?" lahoffy muttered, once again to no one in particular.

Richie, walking by on his way to the kitchen for a snack (again) glanced around to see who it was lahoffy was talking to. The answer was no one; the room was empty. "Talking to yourself again? You know what they say about people who talk to themselves."

"Hey! Long as I don't answer back, I'm still sane!"

The halo continued its faint hum while lahoffy waffled about whether she reeeealllly wanted to jog up the hill in search of chocolate and revenge upon her clansibs.

"Oh, FRELL!!" she muttered as the chocolate urge won out and she started at a sloooooow jog out the door and up the hill.


MacNairCDC

"See? Here she comes," announced MacNair.

"Chocolate seems to be bait for most of the CDCers ... besides just those two Highlanders, I mean," laughed Denise. "Are we gonna keep running or let her catch up?"

"She's going slow, so we have time to eat another chocolate before we have to make that decision..."

And the two imps on the hill did just that.

...MEANWHILE, back in the house....

"Hey? How come all the sheep are spooked out there, Connor?" Duncan was staring out the window of the second floor, frozen in the act of combing out his hair. "They're bunched up and scampering for the woods?"

"NOT the woods! There's Orcs in the woods!" protested Connor. He was by Duncan's side in an instant, staring out across the field. Lahoffy was trudging up the hill and her halo glinted in the sun. "They've seen that halo before..."

"Look there!" Duncan stabbed a finger at the figures on the top of the hill--one blob from this angle and distance. Both immortal witnessed the flash of gold ... and both inhaled a great lungfull of air at the same time.

"SWORD!"

"LAHOFFY!"

::rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble::

Down the staircase the two Scots came, tripping over the hall rug that the girls adored (and they both swore at), tipping over a potted plant, and they hurtled around the corner and out the door....


lahoffyCDC

"Wow! Would you look at that?" Denise exclaimed. "You weren't kidding about that whole halo/hor..er..you-know-what thing, were you MacNair?"

MacNair looked in the direction Denise was pointing and stared wide-eyed. From this distance, anyone else would have been hard pressed to make any kind of identification of what exactly (or WHO exactly) was rushing from the house at breakneck speed.

But...this was MacNair. And she knew those two figures inside and out.

"What the heck is wrong with Duncan and Connor? Is there a fire in the house? I thought hayden left those super-soakers locked in a trunk?"

"They keep going at that pace, they'll be caught up to her in no time."

The two clansibs watched the unfolding scene with gleeful interest, munching more chocolate. (Greedy beggers.)

MEANWHILE--back in the house...

Methos chuckled softly as he watched the two Scots bear down upon the unsuspecting lahoffy. Popping the top on another beer, he kicked back, waiting for the fireworks. "The old place needed a bit of livening up, been too quiet round here lately."

MEANWHILE--(yet again)----

Lahoffy trudged patiently up the hill. Sooner or later, she'd catch up to those two conniving sibs and teach them a thing or two about sharing chocolate. Especially GODIVA chocolate. A faint rumble came to her ears. What the..? Are them dang dust buffalo stampeding again? She started to turn when it happened.

KER-WHUUUUUMMMMPPPP!!!!

The two Scots had caught up to her.

Connor had tackled her, sending her face down into the soft, grassy hillside. "I've got her, Duncan! You go see who that is with a sword!"

Duncan sped by in a whirl of mussed hair, bare feet and his sword flashing.

"Connor MacLeod!" came a muffled voice that sounded suspiciously as if it was eating grass,"There better be a DAMN good explanation for this!!"

MEANWHILE--back at the house yet again---

Methos was convulsed in laughter. "I knew leaving that little pic around would stir things up."


MacNairCDC

"Uh oh," said MacNair.

"Uh oh?" said Denise.

They both looked down the incline to see Duncan, ponytail dancing as he ran, coming up the hill. The sword flashed in the sunlight.

"What the heck? It's just US!" yelped Denise, scrambling to her feet.

MacNair stuffed the half-empty Godiva chocolate tin in her pocket and got on her feet too. From the corner of her eye, she spotted the last of the flock of sheep scurrying into the forest depths. "Uh oh, the woolies are on the run!"

Duncan spotted the two girls on the hill and yelled the alarm. "Get DOWN!"

"I just got up," protested Denise, but she sat back down and pulled MacNair down with her. "Something's afoot, that's for sure!"

"Where is he?" demanded the immortal as he reached the crest. He looked left, right, then back down the slope, then stared at the barn ... then the treehouse. "Which way did he go?"

"What are you talking about, Duncan?" asked MacNair. She huddled close to Denise. It wasn't wise to make any quick moves when one of the immortals had his katana out and had murder on his mind! "There's nobody up here but us!"

"I saw his sword, now where did he go?"

"WHAT sword?" said Denise. "We don't have any swords ... unless you count those funky letter-openers back at the house that look like yours and Connor's katanas--and we certainly don't have THOSE out here on the hill!"

Duncan stopped craning his neck and looked down at the two, obviously concerned, girls. Down the slope, he could hear the muffled exchange going on between lahoffy and Connor--it sounded irritated. There was an ominous sound from the forest, but that was just an Orc ... easily dealt with. "There's no immortal up here?"

Denise looked at MacNair and MacNair looked back. "Nope. Just us."

"I saw it from the window, the flash of gold--it startled the flock."

"Uh oh," said Denise.

"Uh oh," echoed MacNair. Reluctantly, she produced the golden tin of Godivas for inspection.

...MEANWHILE, down the slope....

"They have *chocolate* you idiot, Scot! I'm after the chocolate!"

"We saw the flash of the sword from the second floor and it wasn't from you throwing that halo!"

"If some immortal was after our chocolate, he'd be dodging more than just my thrown halo, mister!" lahoffy stomped her feet some more and one stomp was on Connor's foot, but he still didn't release her arm ... he just hopped a bit and glared at her. "Just look up yonder, you paranoid galoot!"

Duncan, on the hill, was waving his arms about and yelling. From the distance all that came through was 'loon', 'immortal', 'panic' ... and 'CHOCOLATE?'

"Oh, brother!" grumbled Connor.

"Oh, BROTHER!" grumbled lahoffy. "They've had enough time to eat it all."

The two of them trudged to the top of the hill, where the two abashed clansibs wordlessly handed lahoffy the tin of Godivas with three pieces left. lahoffy accepted it without saying a thing and crunched into the first one without even taking her eyes off them.

Duncan and Connor, still charged with fighting adrenaline, stood nearby. The fire in their blood practically emanated off of them in waves.

"Well, that was a riot for nothing. I came up here ready to KILL something."

"And I waited down the hill irritated that *you* got to kill something and you made me stay down the hill!" returned Connor.

"There's the Orcs," suggested MacNair.

"Orcs?" said Duncan. He looked at Connor.

"Orcs!" Connor's eyes lit up eagerly.

"Kill the Orcs!" shouted Duncan and the two Highlanders bolted for the trees. The vanished with a crash into the woods, leaving the trio on the hill, watching silently.

....MEANWHILE, back at the house....

"I hate Orcs," said Methos, crunching into an apple. "They'd better get them *all* this time or I'll have to figure out another way to get them in those woods after them!"

~finis~
Jan 9, 2003

Top



Denise Does Decorating

"That's the last box," Richie said, heaving the crate of fresh mangos onto the counter to rest beside the two. "What are we going to do with all these mangos?"

"Mango daiquiris, slushes, bread, ice cream," and Connor grinned, "eating fresh in hand, naked with a friend."

"We'll put the extra in bowls for centerpieces and see what happens" Duncan corrected, rolling his eyes. Not that the prospect wasn't attractive or unlikely but still....they were ladies.

Methos, in characteristic slouch, even on a hardback kitchen chair reached in a box to pull one out and after briefly polishing it against his sweater and was about to bite into it when Duncan plucked it from his hand.

"It's for the party, old man, and none for you before then."

Methos smirked and grabbed a beer on his way out of kitchen muttering, "We'll see." There were other ways to pass the time. He paused in the fam--errrr clan room, where were the girls? He was reading a note from them when Rich sauntered into the room.

"Man is it quiet without the ladies around." Rich dived on the couch and propped his winter sloshed booted feet on the coffee table. There was no female to remind him to take them down or strip to stocking feet and Methos wasn't going to police the boy. Although he briefly thought about calling Duncan in under some false pretense and letting him handle it.

Methos smirked as he read, "busy with real life" and wadded the note after reading, " we'll see you tomorrow and be ready to Par-TAY." He missed parts of the old days, like when the females of his desires were at his beck and call. He took another sip of beer and stared at Richie, "What?"

"Well" Rich hesitated before deciding he couldn't snow the old man even on his best day, "it was either peel, slice, and mash mangos with the MacLeods or" he steeled himself under Methos's glare, "We're to, and I quote, decorate for the party."

"Decorate?" Methos stared at Rich, "Decorate!. Do I look like bloody Martha Stewart to you?"

Rich swallowed his retort of 'only a little around the nose' and shook his head in the negative.

Methos finished his beer. "I should think not." There were all the white twinkle lights in the garage. Richie could string them around the bare trees under the dome they had put up earlier in the week when they had filled the pool and heated it again. They were quite lovely and k'lynn did enjoy them.

"Duncan gave me his charge card and said to get what we needed as long as it was in reason."

Methos allowed a wry grin to cross his face, "Well, why didn't you say so, boy? " He told Rich to start stringing lights and held out his hand to him as he left to comply.

Rich looked at him, understanding dawning. He reached in his tee shirt pocket and gave Methos the Platinum card, "He said with in reason." Richie reminded him.

Methos shooed him off with his best decorator double limp wrist flutter. "It will be," he assured the young immortal. Muttering to himself when Rich left, "With in *my* reason."

He grabbed the phone book and looked under commercial florist. Every party needed flowers. This one needed something with a tropical feel, something mangoish. Surely for enough money he could get five or six potted mango trees here by tomorrow night.It would have served Duncan better to have let him have a mango.

What else do the girls like besides mangos, Methos mused. It was Denise from Kansas City's induction party. He snorted, everyone knew what she liked. Methos smiled, she liked leather. He could use a new leather jacket. He supposed the Macleods and the youngling could too. They were always getting themselves in situations that were ruinous to their clothing. Of course you couldn't wear leather jackets long at a tropical pool party but they could start out the evening in them, like an appetizer. He logged into his favorite expensive on line men's clothier and soon had the jackets ordered, only wincing slightly at the cost of express overnight shipping. After all it wasn't his money. Yes, Mac should have most definitely let him have that mango.

Appetizer, his mind lingered over the word. What ever then could be the main course? He quickly entered a search on his laptop. Yes, no doubt if they could be had they could be had at Roses House of Erotic Leather Wearables and for an exorbitant fee they would guarantee next day delivery. Quite a service for such a small, specialized company, Methos thought. Denise preferred black leather, so as much as Methos wanted to he did not select the pink leather g string for Duncan. He briefly thought about ordering himself a black one but he was supposed to be reasonable after all and it wasn't reasonable to expect someone as well endowed as himself to fit into such a small thing. Methos entered the account numbers and hit send and waved the charge card as if it was smoking. He laughed out loud, it might very well be! Feeling in such a good mood, Methos decided to actually help Rich with the twinkle lights. It was going to be a great par-TAY and he was sure the young man would need direction.

Denise
Feb 1, 2003

Top



For Denise, The Leather Keeper

"So, what's the party theme going to be for our latest acquisition?" asked pacem. She swung one foot idly from where she sat on the railing seat of the treehouse.

"I'm not sure," replied lahoffy, "but it's got to be good! We haven't had a BIG wing-dig since ... well, since...."

"The last one," finished lynnann. She took a sip of her hot tea and cupped it in her hands. "My, it's beautiful up here. Who would have guessed that the treehouse in winter would be a favorite spot?"

Murmurs of agreement rose around her.

"You can certainly see everything going on around the compound from up here," added pacem. She pointed and every head turned. A figure with red hair was raking leaves along the walkway.

"Richie's working? Was he bad again?" chuckled lynnann.

"Not bad enough," said lahoffy. "My halo isn't humming at him."

"I think he failed to do the laundry and now he has to rake AND do laundry."

They watched for a moment. The idle breeze that came and tugged on their hair couldn't make up its mind to stay--or go. Mostly it just tickled and made lynnann's tea steam curl around wildly. The bare twigs rattled, the branches swayed, and the treehouse seemed to sigh with the wind, barely rocking. It was brisk enough to wear jackets, but not cold enough to ask Duncan to raise a canvas bag full of firewood up to the wood stove inside.

"Look, here comes Hayden."

"Oh goody. She always has ideas for tomfoolery."

"Shouldn't that be 'Scot-foolery'?"

"la-hoffy! That's almost as bad as MacNair trying to filk!"

"Now, now," chided another voice. "Some of MacNair's filks are okay..."

"If you've had a glass of wine before opening the post!" added another voice.

~scattered laughter~

"Hallooo, up there?" Hayden climbed the ladder up to the front deck of the treehouse and poked her head through the hole. "Is this the par-TAY planning place?"

"The Triple P Crew, that's us," said lynnann. "Come and join in."

"I brought cookies and kisses."

"Oh, nummie!"

~munch~munch~wrappers flutter down and are nabbed and crammed into pockets~

"So," opened hayden, surfacing from chocolates, "what's the plan?"

"Haven't one yet."

"Hmmmm, this isn't good."

"Oh, I don't know...some of our REAL big dingers are when they're unplanned." Pacem smiled at hayden. "Of course, having someone with 'mayhem' in their blood tends to liven up any par-TAY regardless of what you originally planned!"

~a general round of laughter punctuated by reminders of super-soakers, threesomes, a certain ladder, and sundry other mayhem induced events~

lynnann abruptly sat up straighter in the swing and stared off at the main house. The fact that she froze with the teacup halfway to her mouth made everyone sit up herself and look in the same direction. A dust cloud from some vehicle was leaving the compound. In fact, the girls had been talking and laughing so much; they hadn't even heard the engine start.

"Who's leaving on the day of a party?"

"We've already done the shopping and gift buying!"

"The cooking is all done except for the BBQ..."

"The pool has all the proper chemicals-- "

"There's MacNair--"

"Uh-oh." This last was from lynnann, who always had keen insight into the body language and posture of this particular CDCer. "There's trouble."

"How can you tell?" lahoffy squinted at the distant figure, barely making out the hands on her hips.

"She's got that 'if I had a halo, you'd be scalped' look about her."

"Uh oh."

"It can't be Richie-babe ... he's still raking," observed pacem. "Well, he *was* raking, but now he's kind of backing away from MacNair."

"She doesn't have your spare halo, does she, lahoffy?"

lahoffy groped around her personage a bit. "Nope, got my spare right here. If she's packing gold, it isn't mine!"

All the CDCers in the treehouse watched Richie back away from MacNair ... until the swarthy figure of Duncan MacLeod came around the corner of the garage and bumped into the young redhead from behind. A swift, arm-waving conversation was held. Everyone could tell by the way Richie waved his hands and shook his head that he was denying any involvement in whatever trouble had just tried to squirm in his back pocket. And from the looks of the two squared off with him, they weren't buying his innocent protest.

lynnann's tea was cold. She didn't mind. The show grew more intriguing when the tall figure of Methos came out the front door with a *BANG* that could be heard clear to the treehouse, albeit, with a few seconds of delay. Even more waving arms and pointing fingers entered the exchange near the house!

"Curiouser and curiouser," said hayden. "And I'm not involved--fancy that!"

lynnann tossed her cold tea over the railing of the treehouse. The flash of the white cup caught Methos' eye even from the distance and he pointed. Both the immortals and the lone mortal turned to look at the solitary tree on the hillside.

"Are we in some sort of trouble?" asked pacem, studying the quartet as they started walking to the treehouse.

"We can't be. Both lahoffy and hayden are right here," snorted lynnann. "If they weren't with us, then we might be in trouble--"

"You're so wise," interrupted lahoffy.

"--But whether because they usually cause the trouble or save us from trouble, I couldn't say," finished lynnann.

"See? Still wise!" laughed hayden.

"HEY?" shouted a voice from below. "Is there room up there for us?"

"Depends on if we can sit on some *laps* when you get here," returned lahoffy.

Immortals and MacNair climbed the ladder and everyone on the porch of the treehouse moved around until there was room for all to sit.

"We're in trouble," announced Duncan without preamble. "Connor yanked the distributor caps off of the other vehicles, hitched his truck to the horsetrailer, and peeled out of here without so much as a 'nyah-nyah-nyah' on the way past the house."

"I had nothing to do with him finding the key," added Richie. He eyed lahoffy's halo while he spoke.

"I PUT that key in the garden shed in a tin can," firmly stated Methos. "You *had* to have told him where it was in all that mess!"

"I did NOT tell that old goose any such thing!"

"Connor doesn't have some crazy 'key radar' to find it, Rich, and there are probably forty old cans of goop and glop out in that shed!"

"I didn't tell him! I swear it!" The redhead looked wildly about and then put his hand on lahoffy's arm. "Look at that halo--it's not even twitching! I'm telling you--I didn't tell him a thing!"

Every eye settled on lahoffy's halo ... and it sat glinting atop her head without a twitch.

"Dang. He's telling the truth."

"So how'd Connor find the key to the trailer?"

"I've no idea, but he's certainly gone now..."

"And I bet he makes sixteen keys for the silly thing and hides them all OVER the place while he's in town."

~groan~

**silence**

"So ... um-m ... tell us, you guys," inquired hayden. "Just why don't you want Connor to take that horse trailer anywhere?"

"You haven't NOTICED?" Methos stared at her.

"Noticed what?"

Duncan sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. "I guess we should tell them about that trailer..."


They didn't have much back in those "good old days" to speak of except hard work.

Connor escaped the East and wandered solitarily in the mountainous backcountry, seeing no humans for months on end if at all. He trapped and hunted and lived the crude rough life of a frontiersman--and thrived on it. He loved the icy rivers with their fat trout, the harsh bugle of the elk, the swift fear along his nerves when he saw a cougar staring back at him. Inhospitable terrain, deep snow, and solitude--those were forces that shaped a Highlander like himself and he took little note of it. His hair grew long and he tied it back with a string of sinew. He quit shaving when the razor strap wore out and in the frosty winter, ice formed around his exhales.

The only thing he disliked was when he couldn't get warm at least once a day, didn't have one meal that filled him up at least once a day, or couldn't move a load that a stronger man could. Checking trap lines was arduous and treacherous work--there were no roads and everything had to be packed by hand or by animals. Connor missed being able to use a wagon instead of dragging carcasses for miles by rope.

And Duncan. He missed Duncan, with his ready smile and easy companionship. He didn't fear for his younger counterpart's life, however. Strange though it sounded to any ears but his own, Connor knew that his kinsman was alive in the world. If he were not, he suspected that his own quickening would have leapt and writhed like some beast gutted at the death somewhere in the distance. It was a foolish belief, he knew, but he clung to it with childlike faith and it propelled him through the difficult winters.

It was the beginning of summer when Connor loaded his mules for the trip into the nearest town. It took six weeks of travel to arrive, following the river, and when he stepped to the edge of the clearing and stared down into the muddy street, he felt a stranger to his own humanity.


Duncan pushed to the Northwest and ended up working for a newspaper in a little town. The wages were poor in 1881 and the company limited, but he had resources and took little notice of this. He found a sweetheart and enjoyed the simplicity of living far away from civilization ... and the resultant fighting. There were no immortals and no challenges here in this uninhabited wilderness. Quiet permeated his life and he soaked it up as if stockpiling the peace against future woes.

All was at rest within him ... except for the times he wondered where his old friend had gone. Sometimes he walked to the edge of town or rode all the way to the promontory near the river and stared out across the land, but there was no hope of finding Connor MacLeod in the unconquered wilds of the free world. Sometimes, when Duncan focused all of his heart and mind and soul, he thought could sense him out there somewhere--as if the other man listened for him as well. He was certain that his kinsman lived, and that was enough to be content with.

A trapper coming in to town was always eager news, both to those who bought pelts and to those who sold goods. A trapper meant money in their pockets. Someone needing a drink in the bar, someone needing a bath, a shave ... perhaps some loving comfort. The children ran to see the ragged appearance, to look for bear's teeth or nuggets of gold that they could wheedle away from him. The men came to hear what the beaver pelts said about the coming winter, where the last Indians had been sighted, and if there were any cougar near the river. The unmarried women came to see if the trapper had enough wealth to be admirable and was available, though often they were disappointed in what they found.

The man who ran the newspaper came to hear whatever news was to be heard and the gossip it started; so Duncan followed the throng of eager townspeople. He studied the coarse appearance of the man from a distance and then stopped again when he felt the tingle of immortality in his head. An immortal? Here? Am I ready for this...?

Grizzled, swathed in furs, footgear and leggings strapped all the way to his knees, the trapper was a fearsome sight ... but something about the way he moved amidst this garb seemed familiar. By the time the mountain man turned, Duncan was not surprised to look into the unwavering gaze of his Clansman beneath the wild hair. No smile of greeting and no shouted hello were aimed his way--Connor was in the thick of trading and his manner of indifference would fetch him a higher price. He acted disinterested to the tumultuous crowd, like a man who would travel farther downstream to trade if his price for pelts was not met.

Duncan leaned against the wall of the trading post and looked at his pocket watch casually. Connor went back to his dealings, with men shouting all around him, outbidding each other, and then all of them straining to hear his soft replies.

It took four hours until the last pelt was handed off and the crowd of entertained bystanders melted away. Duncan kept his distance and let Connor come to him, leading the first mule in the string of four. They stared without speaking at one another.

"Duncan."

"Connor." And then he smiled. "You look like an old badger."

"I smell like one too." A pause, a connection reforming from years apart. "You live here?"

"Second house from the end of the row down there. Dinner in a hour?"

"Make it three."

"Three?"

"I need a bath and a shave and a haircut. Then I aim to find me a couple of willing girls," Connor said. "I don't think you want to see me before then."

"No, I don't think I do." Duncan eyed his former teacher up and down. "You swore you hated mules."

"I do. They're stubborner than *I* am." He looked away a moment. "Someday, I'm going to have a wagon that will move anything I want to, when I want to."

"Someday you'll keep that hair of yours short enough that it doesn't look like a mop all the time, too."

Connor chuckled at this and Duncan breathed in a deep breath when he heard it. The same laugh, through all my years...

"I'm hungry," Connor said simply. "Cook lots."

"I know."


"So that's where it began?"

"Began." Duncan looked amused at something, lost in a forgotten time. "He hadn't had whisky for so long that I drank him right into his cup ... and you know how rare that is. He told ribald jokes, recited poetry backwards, and tried to toss the cat in the woodstove. I thought I was going to have to tie him into his seat to keep him from falling in the fire himself! He even sang this inane song and it went like this...

Whoa mule, whoa!

Whoa mule, I say!

I ain't got time to kiss you now

The mule has run away!

Grandma had a yeller hen

Yeller as gold

She set her on three buzzard eggs

She hatched out one old crow.

Whoa mule, whoa!

Whoa mule, I say!

I ain't got time to kiss you now

The mule has run away!

Never marry an old schoolteacher

I tell you the reason why

She blows her nose in old cornbread

And calls it pumpkin pie.

Whoa mule, whoa!

Whoa mule, I say!

I ain't got time to kiss you now

The mule has run away!

Well, if I chewed tobacco

I'll tell you what I'd do

I'd chew it nice and juicy

Then spit it all on you --- tuii!

Whoa mule, whoa!

Whoa mule, I say! I ain't got time to kiss you now

The mule has run away!"

The CDCers stared, Richie was in hysterics, and Methos was trying to jab his eyes out with the forked fingers of one hand when he finished.

Duncan looked a trifle embarrassed, but then squared his jaw and added, "I tormented him with that one for the next thirty-five years, you know. Until he got me falling down drunk and I sang some stupid ditty--then we were even." His smile was charming. "That's when it began, his hankering for a wagon. But it didn't end there, not by a long shot.."


It was the same in Montana. The winters were bitter and icy and the wind sharp as a knife. If they faced it, the coldness strove to drive their exhale right back into their lungs. In the summer, the heat waves shimmered off the plain and made the herd of cattle appear as if they were stampeding ... though every cowboy knew they weren't.

When Major Jim's roan stallion escaped the corral, he sent both MacLeods after the unruly steed and they covered one hundred miles before they finally caught him. Only the fact that there were two of them even made the feat possible ... one chased him down the canyon and the other cut across country to the next possible route down into the ravine. A swift swirl of Duncan's rope snared the brute around the neck. Connor snaked a lasso around from the other side and kicked his gelding away from Duncan's.

...And there the fight began.

The furious roan ended up strung between the two horses, but even so, both Scots were nearly unseated by the irate stud. He bucked and jerked, lunging first at one cowpony and then the other, and for an hour the two Scots fought to get him up out of the ravine. The treacherous shale gave way and slid around them and the dust made them choke and cough, blinking to keep their eyes clear to see their progress. Duncan finally loosed his long bullwhip and cracked it behind the stallion's withers to finally get them up and away from the dangerous cliffs, and even then it didn't end--the crazed beast jerked ahead, then drug back and squalled and roared and fought the ropes.

Connor threatened to shoot the top of his skull off and leave him for dead.

Duncan reminded him that the fiery stallion was prized breeding stock.

Connor thought the coyotes should be fed a good meal.

Duncan said, "Major Jim's daughter is fond of him."

"There isn't any woman worth a stud so vicious," replied the begrimed older man.

Four hours later, with the raging stallion still fighting every step, Duncan decided they should shoot the top of the animal's head off and it was Connor who put up the arguments against such a course.

For two days, the two immortals shepherded the half-wild animal between them ... never daring to stop long, never building a fire for the night. They let their horses snatch what grass they could and munched on dried beef themselves. If the rope went slack more than a foot, the rogue stallion lunged at the nearest cowboy, teeth bared. The terrain was a constant foe, as the cowponies tried to keep their distance from the stallion like a good roping horse does. Connor cursed a lot and Duncan's bullwhip was always in one hand.

It wasn't until five SC cowboys spotted them and rode down to add their ropes to the mix that Connor and Duncan finally could free themselves from the task. Six days of riding and two days of watchfulness showed in their eyes. Duncan's grip failed, finally, on the handle of the bullwhip and he dropped it in the dirt. Their pony's heads hung.

They walked their horses the last quarter mile home and the tack boy took them for a good rub down. Duncan washed his face in the trough and drank three dippers of water. Connor just dunked his entire head for a moment and sucked down a quart or two. They crawled fully clothed into their bunkhouse beds and kicked their boots off.

"It feels like I'm still sitting on a horse's spine," said Duncan.

"Me too. I don't want to sit a saddle for a month." Connor sighed and turned, pulling a blanket around his chin. "I'm too tired to eat."

"That's saying something. A couple hours and you'll be in the flapjacks just as always...."

"Someday, I'm going to have a wagon that will hold and haul whatever I want, I'm telling you."

"You couldn't have stuffed a crazy horse like that in a wagon anyway, Connor," chuckled Duncan.

"If he was hobbled on all four feet and I put a twitch on him--he'd haul."

Duncan poked his head over the side of the bunk above. "You'd just keep tying him until he was a mess of ropes and knots, wouldn't you?"

"Damn straight," Connor fired back. "A good enough wagon and you can haul most anything. Someday, I'll have me one."


"And he never quit about owning a good wagon."

"And...?" baited another CDCer.

"That's how we ended up with a 28 foot, three horse trailer that weighs almost 6000 pounds without any animals in it!"

Methos chuckled from the swing, where he had his arms around hayden. "And it has escape routes for each animal, extra large windows, side unload ramps, removable center posts and dividers, rubber torsion suspension, and can handle two 18 hand horses and one 16 1/2 hand horse without crowding any of them."

Duncan rolled his eyes. "I suppose Connor told you all of that?"

"NUMEROUS times." Methos smirked, and then added, perfectly serious, "And then he reminds me of everything he has hauled, can haul, someday would like to TRY to haul."

"He hauled sixteen goats out here to clear that upper pasture of thistles," said Duncan.

"And he hauled sixty board feet of lumber and built this deck on the treehouse," returned Methos.

"He hauled twenty chickens out here."

"And twelve sheep, one of them black as sin."

"He likes that one."

"He hauled Richie's bike when he broke down over by Copper Butte."

"He hauled in a new bike when he got tired of listening to Richie complain about repairing his old one."

"I danced a jig, right there in the courtyard for him too, you notice?" Richie fired into the exchange between Methos and Duncan.

"And he hauled twenty-two cases of wine when they went on sale down at Trader Jim's."

"He loaded nineteen bales of hay in that trailer, halved the last ten to stick right up on top of the pile ... then bragged on how he lugged twenty-nine bales of hay home from town."

"He hauled eight big Christmas trees in it when we only had eight CDCers and he thought they should each have their own tree to decorate..."

"God, the pine needles we vacuumed up!"

"He hauled five new freezers and two refrigerators here."

"He hauled seventeen boxes of pool chemicals for the POD."

"Dunn's Rock and Gravel loaded a quarter ton of boulders in it for the patio wall."

"He hauled twenty cases of Wikkid Ale for the girlie in the moat."

"I didn't mind that load..." Methos chuckled.

"He hauled my mare, Arabask, clear from Wyoming."

"I keep waiting for him to bring *ME* one!"

"He hauled $30,000 worth of antiques from Forweiller's sale two years ago."

"And he hauled three dressers, six lava lamps, twenty strands of twinkle lights, two skeins of yarn, a pair of three inch clogs, a clown costume, a potted plant, a metal bunk bed, a bright purple overstuffed recliner chair, and a quart of peach ice cream on k'lynn's birthday last year in it."

"That's coming around again soon, you know..."

"And now he has KEYS to the thing!"

Duncan looked very seriously at all the CDCers. "Connor has a horse trailer that will haul damn near anything and he has lots of money."

**silence**

"So his motto is, 'Have trailer, will haul'?" suggested pacem.

"Have trailer, will bring home anything not too big to fit in it!" pronounced Duncan.

"Sounds good to me!" said one CDCer.

"Can we make him a list?" said another. (You know who!)

"Don't you GET it? He can get a small elephant in there!" Duncan shouted. "It's not that he needs any of this ... he has to see if he can get it in the trailer!"

**silence**

"And once it's IN the trailer, he brings it home," confirmed Methos.

"You got it. I expect one day he'll bring home seventy cats in it."

"I hope he remembers the fifty-seven bags of cat chow and one hundred bags of cat litter..." added Methos, almost as an afterthought.

"Well-ll," lynnann said in her best wheedling voice, "so far, he's only brought helpful things home. A horse, some fun for k'lynn, some inexpensive pasture-cleaners. It's not like he brought home 22 million doorknobs that were on sale or anything."

Methos got a look about his face that made everyone quite still. In a low voice, the eldest grated slowly out: "He ... brought ... home ... seven ... Orcs ... and ... put ... them ... in ... the ... woods."

lynnann blinked and was silent. There wasn't much defense for a man who brought home Orcs that *she* knew of. Except for the immortals having something to hunt and practice on when life was too tame.

She was about to mention this little fact when Methos continued in the same low, growling voice. "He's hoping they'll figure out how to birth Uruk-hai, so he can REALLY get some hard practice."

"Certified nuts," murmured hayden.

"Nuts with a 6000 pound horse trailer because someone told him where to look for the key!"

Every eye swiveled to Richie.

"I am, like, SO innocent I should have my own halo!" he protested once again.

**silence**

A 'honk--honk--honk' from far away bade everyone turn their heads. A trickle trail of dust coming up the road heralded the return of Connor with the horse trailer. They watched it pull up the long drive and the elder Scot backed it up near the house without jackknifing it once. Then the 'honk--honk--honk'of the truck horn sounded again, though much closer. Connor got out and stared up the hill to where they all sat.

"What do you want to bet that means WORK for someone?" complained Richie.

"He certainly parks that well, even having not had it for months!" observed hayden.

"How'd he know we were all up here?" asked pacem.

"That boy's got radar, remember?" sighed Duncan. "Come on. Let's see what he's dragged home with him THIS time..."

They clambered down out of the treehouse and walked down the slope to where the elder Highlander stood. For a moment, it was just the throng's gaze against Connor's. They could see the brilliance in his eyes: the sparkle, the inquisitiveness, the deviltry ... the aliveness that thrilled them.

"What have you got in that trailer, Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod?" asked Methos, daring to go boldly where no CDCer was going to go willingly.

"Why, something for Denise," he said, as if his thinking should be completely obvious. "She's a leather hound."

**silence**

(The CDCers were trying to get "hound" and "leather" to make some sense in their brains. Somehow, the image of a little stuffed dog kept getting in the way...)

"Here," Connor offered, "look in the trailer. I got everything she needed." He pulled the pins from the heavy rear doors and wrestled them open for everyone to see.

The CDCers plus three immortals rubbernecked through the opening ... and an assortment of objects met their eyes. Dressors, screens, wardrobes, boxes and the like filled the trailer. A headboard to a bed, made of ornamental ironwork with trees and leaves, leaned with its matching footboard against the center divider. Everything was mahogony with dark green accents and glints of gold detailing, and practically screamed "EXPENSIVE! BE CAREFUL WITH IT!" out the door. Connor stood to one side, proud as a peacock.

"See?" he chortled. "I got it all in there!"

"What?" demanded Duncan.

"The stuff for her ROOM, you dolt!" snapped Connor. "She's moving IN, remember? She's Clan now!" He paused his tirade to soften his tone. "She deserves new furnishings for her room. And you have to take special care of leather."

"Leather?" said hayden.

"Leather?" said lahoffy.

"L-E-A-T-H-E-R," replied Connor. "And here it is..." Whereupon he drew back the door of one of the wardrobes and revealed a plethora of leather garments, all hung neatly.

"She's got vests, and chaps, and coats, and thongs, and dresses, and pants, and purses, and shoes to match her EVERY whim in here! Wait until she sees this halter-top ... and these shorts! Look at these kickin' little boots I found? She'll love those! And look at the bomber jacket I got at Nordstroms for a lark? And this skirt practically yells, 'SPANK ME!'" The elder Scot quit poking at the clothing and realized he was being scrutinized quite thoroughly. "She'll be in heaven, I swear it."

**silence**

Then hayden laughed ... followed shortly by lahoffy and Sheeza ... then lynnann and MacNair.

"More like, YOU'LL be in heaven with her trotting about in these getups, Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod," interjected Duncan. He aimed his sternest face at his kinsman.

"Well..."

"Uh-HUH?"

"There's nothing wrong with a good looking woman in leather," Connor retorted. "Even if she's NOT trotting about."

"And ESPECIALLY if she's in the company of a good looking man in leather, r-i-ight, Connor?" catcalled Richie. (He was well known for his leather as well.)

"Well," slowly remarked the Scot, looking at the ring of faces that circled him. "I do like my leather."

"So-o, old chap?" sweetly inquired lahoffy. "How did you find the key?"

"The key?" he returned, confused ... then he realized what lahoffy was asking about. And also registered the fact that she was wearing her halo, which meant she would also know when he was lying. "Oh, I ... uh ... I had some help with that."

"From WHOM?" demanded Duncan.

"Is this supposed to be a secret?" abruptly hissed MacNair. She gestured at the door of the main house, where she had just spied Denise coasting through and then gestured frantically at the contents of the trailer.

Immediately Connor began slamming shut the back of the horse trailer and dropping the pins to lock it. Duncan helped with the heavy doors. The CDCers scrambled to either disappear or look busy. Two of them ran into each other and then staggered away together, giggling. By the time Denise came out the front door, Methos was explaining some old card game in the dirt to a bored looking audience and Richie was raking like a madman ... in an area he'd already raked.

"Gee, this is SUCH a nice place. The house is so big, there's a wonderful kitchen, a packed library," sighed Denise. "There are lots of trees and open spaces, a big pool, a Jacuzzi, the stables and the oasis." She looked at her new clansibs, "and all of you are so fun and have made me feel quite at home! And the Scots, ooooo, the Scots..." She left off the end.

"Are fine pieces of Highland history," added lahoffy helpfully.

"Hey, I'm history too," complained Methos from the dirt.

"Yeah, so history," snickered Richie. "Just like that dirt you're sitting in!"

"Just RAKE, you--before you're in more trouble!"

"Raking, raking, as we speak, raking!"

"Did you see the treehouse?" inquired lynnann. "It's up there on the hillside."

"A treehouse, too? O my!" Denise started up the hill to investigate and everyone watched her go out of the corners of their eyes. They waited until she was well out of earshot before turning their attention back to Connor, who was trying to sneak back into the cab of the truck without anyone noticing.

"HEY!" shouted one.

"Where are you going?" shouted another.

"Hold it, Connor!" shouted a third.

"If this truck so much as budges ONE INCH, I'll shoot out the trailer tires!"

"Don't you shoot my tires!" shouted Connor out of the truck window. His head appeared and he glared back at Methos.

"How'd you get the key, Connor?" sweetly asked Duncan, leaning against the wheel well.

Connor was about to answer when a little voice piped up from somewhere inside the trailer. It was thin and high and slightly muffled behind the steel. "HorC, horC, horC. Briiight eye's and lo-o-ong tail. A horC, horC, horC!"

"That sounds like k'lynn," said lynnann. "What did you do, take her to town?"

"She wanted a horse. She's been begging for a horse, you see ... every time I go to see her, she asks me to get her a horse! I can't take it anymore, her pleading for a horse! She's just like a little girl who begs for one," protested Connor in a rush of words. "I told her I couldn't get her a horse without a key and she said--"

"Silly Connie. HorC go without key. Haf' legs!"

"--that! She said that! And then I had to explain that I needed the trailer to haul a horse and that it needs a key to open the door for the horse to fit in. Next thing I know, she's in spectral form and whizzing through this place. Ennaj got into it as well and they decide the room with the most junk was where it was hidden. They tore apart that garden shed and really made a mess of things before they found it and then I went to town." Connor stopped, beaming. "And I bought her a horse."

"You bought the Clan Spook a HORSE?" demanded Methos.

"Spook on a horse is better than Death on a horse," interjected Richie. (Lots of groans met this.) (Methos tossed a rock and hit the grinning blonde on the leg.) (Lots of hopping about with a rake in one hand ensued.)

"It's only a little one..."

"A HORSE?" said Duncan.

"It will stay in her closet with her and it won't be any trouble..."

"WHAT?"

Connor's grin got wider and he opened a panel on the side of the trailer. There, just inside, was k'lynn with an enormous grin on her face. She had both arms wrapped around the face of a large leather rocking horse and the hair on the mane puffed around her face. A little voice sang out of the trailer. "HorC, horC, I've got a horC. His name is Buck, 'cuz Connie was buck-nak'd in the shed lookin' for key. HorC, horC, I've got a horC!"

Connor explained quietly: "He was in the leather shop and k'lynn wouldn't quit hugging him. The whole time I shopped; she talked about him, petted him, brushed out his tail with her fingers ... the shop owners threw him in for free since I nearly bought the place out for Denise."

"So ... now our garden shed is a wreck? And how come you were in there naked?" inquired Duncan.

"Had an accident with the gasoline, but never mind, I lived."

"The gasoline?" demanded Methos. "Did you blow up the shed?"

"Well, no. We didn't let blow up the shed, but it was close. Ennaj tried her hand a mixing chemicals while we were looking and ... uh ... things got a little wild." Connor looked a bit embarrassed. "There weren't any labels on some of that stuff and I'm certain none of it was suppose to do that--but she found the way to make something explosive. It blew all the cans up and when the goo all settled, there was the key."

"SEE?" demanded Richie. "I was innocent the whole time!" (He was ignored because everyone knew he was guilty of something, somewhere, every single day.)

"We've got to get this stuff unloaded into her room before the par-TAY so Denise can enjoy it," redirected Connor. "Are you going to help?"

~~~~****~~~~~~ Hours later ~~~~~~****~~~~~

"I have to say, old man, the room looks great," said Duncan. "Denise will be completely blown away by all her leather and k'lynn is in her closet without a peep or complaint." He turned to look his kinsman in the eyes. "How many trailer keys did you make for yourself while you were in town?"

Connor set his jaw stubbornly. "Too many to count."

"I suppose it would be too much to ask for you to just turn them over, peaceful like?"

Connor glowered. "You'll have to kill me for them."

Duncan laughed and punched the other man on the shoulder. "Well THAT wouldn't do any good--you'd just be right back again!"

~~~****~~~ Early in the morning after DeniseCDC's Induction par-TAY ~~~****~~~

"Hello, Mr. Keyman? I have a little re-keying job for you to do on a horse trailer..." said a voice on the phone.


MacNairCDC

For Denise, Feb 1, 2003
Welcome to the Clan, babe!

Song lyrics from "All Aboard!" by T. & O. Railroad.

From Sheeza, The Resident CDC Wallpaper Goddess:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/MacNairCDC/Photos%20Linked%20Into%20CDC/Playroom/playroom49c.jpg

Top



Twenty Reasons To Toss Methos In The Pool In His Beer Chair

MacNairCDC

#1 He took a sheet of paper, rolled it into a tube, and proceeded to fire M&Ms and jelly beans at the toga participants just to see how they'd jump in their togas.


haydencdc

#2 I had to haul his drunk muse butt around Vegas


lynnannCDC

#3 For hogging all the m&ms to fire at the partay goers.


pacemCDC

#4 He unplugged the POD heater to plug in his thermostatically controlled beer dispenser. Luckily Connor caught him in the act and thwarted his diabolical plan.

Hang him

Hang him high!!!


DeniseCDC from Kansas City

#5 Because more empirical proof is needed to why he's called old lanky butt.


MacNairCDC

#6 He slipped a slice of green bell pepper into the fondue selections and in the candlelight it looked the same as the mangos. What a surprise! >Bleah!<


MacNairCDC

#7 Methos heard the rumors and planned ahead. His beer chair is chained to the concrete next to the beer dispenser.

Luckily, Duncan always has bolt cutters around in case of an emergency. I declare THIS an emergency!


lynnannCDC

#8 His insistence that Roman's didn't eat chips and dip.

Who says this was supposed to be an authentic toga party?


MacNairCDC

#9 He opted to wear his toga "centurian style" instead of "stable boy" style. Automatic toss in the pool!


Richie

#10 Just on principle. He's been busting my chops all day!


DeniseCDC from Kansas City

#11 Mango pitts have been rolling out from behind the frige....


MacNairCDC

#12 He brought a single chopstick, threaded every chocolate mini donut on it, and then claimed if he could hold them in one hand, he got to keep them.

I think mini-donuts in the pool would be an interesting touch....


MacNairCDC

#13 Methos put all the lights on one side of the pool and it wasn't until Duncan went over and stood next to the ROG, that he realized that we were all backlit by the lights and our togas were practically transparent!

We don't mind him ooogling, but at least he should TELL us he is!


k'lynn

#14 cuz wez biger den he is ... umm moor den himz, i meens.


haydnecdc

#15 Methos has been hogging the beer all night cause the girls are busy OOOOOOOOOOOing and the guys are busy defending their honor (LOL)


lahoffyCDC

#16 Because the alternative wasn't unthinkable after he tried to hog all the chocolate dipped mangos!


Connor

#17 Because he hates boats. Do we need another reason to torture Death?


Spock

#18 Because it is the logical thing to do.

(Methos contested that logic to no avail.)

SPLASH!


Smeagol

#19 Because he took my pwressscioussss!


k'lynn

nummer20 rezon to tozz Metoes inda POD

to c iffen he floatz

he dont.


DeniseCDC from Kansas City

I couldn't go to bed until I heard them all. I was toying with (70's retro on radio station I'm listening to; think KC and the Sunshine Band) "Because that's the way uhhuh, uhhuh, we like it!"

Feb 16 2003

Top



The Snowball Fight

Splat! Methos was hit dead on the side of his head by a wayward snow ball.

"Hey," shouted the old man "When I agreed to come out here in this 'winter Wonderland?!' you said no snowballs!"

"I'm sorry," a thoroughly unrepentant hayden said, "I missed!"

"I was aiming at his chest," she whispered sidelong to Janne.


MacNairCDC

"You'd be smart to not tell him that," replied Janne. She jerked her winter hat down farther over her ears, preparing for battle.

"Why not?" Hayden bent to scoop another handful of snow and began to form her next missile.

"He'll wonder if you were actually stating his nose is as big as his chest!"


HaydenCDC

"Hmmmm, I hadn't thought of that!" Splat! The snowy missile hit hayden so hard that she fell face down into the snow.

"Hey!" Connor and Duncan yelled at once has they reared back and sent a barrage of snowy missiles in the direction of the old guy.

Ducking for cover, the old man exclaimed; "But, but, she started it!"

Janne reached down to check on hayden.


lahoffyCDC

*SPLAT!* *SPLAT!!*

Two more snowballs winged their way from out of nowhere, smacking the back of the old man's head, sending him face first into the snow.

Sitting up, spitting snow and ancient curses, Methos glared around trying to find the perpetrators of this latest indignity. The sound of giggling drew his eyes upward towards the tree house, to find MacNair and lahoffy crouched beside a pile of snowballs a foot high and preparing to level more in his direction.


MacNairCDC

"You were right, lahoffy!" exclaimed MacNair. "We've got the high ground from up here!"

lahoffy didn't answer. She was leaning over the railing and lobbing two more snowballs. Methos yelled from below and Connor's chuckle reached them from his position.

"And they're a little bit icy from coming off the tree house roof!" added lahoffy, after her volley was finished.


lahoffyCDC

"THIS is why I should have gone to Bora Bora last week!" muttered Methos, as snowballs rained on him from above and all sides. "Bad enough they threw me twenty-one times into the pool the other night, now THIS ambush!"

Duncan laughed as he hurled another projectile at the fuming immortal. "Lighten up, Methos, it's just a bit of fun."

Methos' glare turned into a grin of delight as a snowball smacked Duncan in the face.

"Whoops!" came the outburst from the youngest immortal. "Sorry, Mac!"


HaydenCDC

Janne leaned down to hayden, only to hear a soft chuckling. "You planned this didn't you!" she exclaimed.

lynnann joined the two and answered for hayden. "It's that mayhem gene. She can't help it."

At that Hayden burst into laughter. At the sound of her chuckling Connor and Duncan turned and lobbed snowballs in the ladies direction.

"Hey, innocent bystander, here!" yelled lynnann.

"Innocent fun, girls, remember?" Methos chuckled, has he lobbed an icy missile onto the tree house roof, causing an avalanche that covered lahoffy and MacNair


lahoffyCDC

Looking like two snowmen, (well, minus the carrot noses) MacNair and lahoffy blinked at each other in surprise as the mayhem continued below.

"Was this supposed to happen?" MacNair asked, teeth chattering just a bit from the cold.

"Who knew the old guy had such good aim?" shivered lahoffy back. "I hope pacem's got that hot chocolate ready!"

"You'll pay for this, old man!!" MacNair shouted down to Methos.

"You and what army?" he catcalled back.

lynnann pointed in the direction of the barn. "That one, I believe."


MacNairCDC

"Hey! Isn't anyone on *my* side?" protested the ROG. His breath blew mist so thick for an instant that the advancing horde of Janne, hayden, Connor, and Duncan couldn't see him.

"Never fear, RICHIE'S here!" shouted an enthusiastic voice.

"Our God, which art in Heaven..." toned Methos sourly. "What I need is a catapult!"


HaydenCDC

"Hmm, too bad Janeen doesn't live here." He thought sadly. Just then, thunderous giggles were heard from the sledding hillside. Imnxtc, Wildcat, Kyrdwyn, CB, and Elir came rushing to the old man's defense.

Since they weren't around much these days due to real life's drags they were unaware of the old man's misdeeds. At least, that is the explanation they would later offer. Some think the reason they rushed to his defense was the rewards only a 5000-year-old man could offer.


MacNairCDC

The fray immediately grew more intense, as the newcomers arrayed themselves around the ROG and commenced scooping, shaping, and firing snowballs! For a long moment, the fuselage of snowballs that kept coming, and coming, and coming, from Methos' position stunned the opposition!

Duncan, ever the organizer, finally shouted over the shrieks and yells, "MACLE'ODS! To me! To ME!" and every girl engaged in the fray, plus Connor, scrambled through the snow to his position. (Except for lahoffy and MacNair, who were pinned to the tree house porch.)

"You!" Duncan ordered at Connor, "You take up the point, because you're immortal. You," he ordered Janne, "get your wild-child sister out here. And you, you little mayhem goddess, you think of a way to derail Richie over there and while you think of it--make snowballs!"


haydencdc

Meanwhile in another part of the compound.

Sharz, Sheeza, and Pacem lay in the snow making lovely snow angels to adorn the landscape. While Denise continued to work on the family of snow people the quartet had built earlier.

Sharz looked over at Denise's work. "Nice job, Denise. I think that snubby carrot nose makes him look kind of like Methos."

Pacem delighted in her day off from school and happily working on her angels hummed happy songs to herself and others. She glanced up and grinned at the work in question. Nodding in agreement.

Denise looked a little closer, "You have a point there." she moved to the other side of the snowman to gain a better look at the next area in question. "Well then if he's going to remind us of Methos, I think I need to do a little carving back here to make the but a little more lanky." Exclaimed a devilishly grinning Denise.

"Nice touch," commented Sheeza. "Do you think the girls will notice?"


lahoffyCDC

Cold and shivering, MacNair and lahoffy gazed mournfully at each other. Somehow, the day had lost its luster for the two snow-caked clansibs.

"You think anyone will ever rescue us from this snow trap?" queried MacNair in a wavery, cold-tinged voice. "We've been up here for hours!!!

"Plus we're missing all the fun!" whined lahoffy through blue lips. "I swear, if I could get to my halo, there'd be heck to pay!!"

"I wanted to build a snowman, not BE one!"

"Gonna make 'em pay. All of 'em. Leaving us up here like this, why, it's just not right!"

MacNair thought for a moment, then brightened. "Bet the boys will be eager to make up for it, though."

"Gonna take a lot of chocolate."

"And smoochies."

"And sweaty half-nekkid katas."

The battle raged on below, while the two clansibs listed everything it would take to make them feel better.

It was a very long list.


MacNairCDC

In fact, it was *such* a long list that when Duncan swung over the side of the railing, (with his shoulders hunched against Methos' Minions with the snowballs!) lahoffy said, "Just a minute! We don't have our list done yet!"

"Hey?" he returned, "I came up here to rescue you and you're not ready to be rescued?"

"Five cords of firewood to be burned one right after the other one...two hot bubblebaths, complete with towel boys...one nice steak, for energy. There. That should do it." MacNair looked up at Duncan. "Okay, we're ready to be rescued. What's the plan?"

"Uh-h-h," muttered Duncan, perplexed. "I didn't have any plan."

"WHAT?" demanded lahoffy. "You were just going to shove us down off of here and INTO that snowball fight?"

"Uh-h-h, I could be a shield?"

"For TWO of us?" fired MacNair. "You're going to have to rescue us one at a time."

"But, b-but ... I'll get creamed by those Methos Minions and their snowballs!"


Vidalia

Vidalia watched from inside where it was warm and she could curl up in her chair with the red tasseled cushions. It was a brilliant scene of snow, mass confusion, and Methos' minions were playing havoc with the dark highlander who was attempting to rescue MacNair and lahoffy from the tree house.

They were going to be crazy cold when they decided to come in or maybe that should be *if* they decided to come in.


haydencdc

lynnann looked over the battlefield and thought this has been going on for long enough. It's time for the mayhem to end and the making up to begin. But how?

A mischievous, slightly evil grin crossed her face. (She and k'lynn are related after all!) "I've got it!" she proclaimed as she ran off to find pacem, sharz, and sheeza to help.

Meanwhile back at the battleground--

After being rescued lahoffy and MacNair were sticking close to the MacLeods wishing they would end the battle and begin working on the list that the 2 clansibs had mentally recorded. Lahoffy looked over at MacNair: "Do you smell something?"

"Smell something? Noo I don't think so? Wait Yesssss. Itsss CHOCOLATE!!! HOT CHOCOLATE!!!

~finis~

As usual: derailed by chocolate.
Feb 18 and 26th 2003

Top



Vidalia Sneaks In

She didn't think she was going to regret this, but one could never be sure of these things. The computer screen was blinking a constant reminder that she had only a short time accomplish her mission. Her neck was in a constant spasm and she felt like a walking nerve end. She closed and locked the office door as a last precaution. If anyone sees me, she thought, they'll say, "Well, it's finally happened--Vidalia has gone over the edge."

What they don't know is that she went over the edge years ago, but she lived to tell the tale.

Carefully she checked her backpack and mentally counted off all the items she was going to need for this little adventure. Donning the backpack she quickly sucked in her belly and dove through the 17-inch monitor into the compound. She landed in the middle of the drive leading up to the main house.

For a moment she stopped and stared. Dang, the ladies have great taste!

Hitching the backpack back up on her shoulders, she started off towards the main house. Please let them all be sleeping. She really didn't want to have to explain to the ladies why she was sneaking around the compound in the middle of the night. Well, it was the darn frus fault anyway for instigating this little excursion! Vidalia grinned.

Reaching the moat, she crept cautiously down to the water's edge. How did one summon a dragon? she wondered. With a deep breath she placed her hand slowly into the water and splashed gently. When nothing happened, she removed the backpack and took out the 4 pack of Guinness and set it on the rock jutting out from the water. Grinning to herself, she certainly hoped the dragon liked the beer and got to it before Methos!

Standing, she grabbed her pack and started over the bridge. She speculated on the best way to get into the house without disturbing anyone. Deciding to try the kitchen door first, she headed around to the back. Jumping over the wall, she dropped down into the pool area, which hadn't suffered as much from the fire and the whisky filled supersoaker. The ladies did know how to throw a party!

Reaching the backdoor, she removed her library card and was attempting to jimmy the lock when the door opened slowly inward. Cautiously she opened her backpack and removed the small flashlight and tuned it on. Tipping silently, she made her way through the kitchen to the island. Sitting her backpack down she cleared as much space possible for the gifts she'd brought.

First out was the rocket launcher super soaker, with replaceable loader and a case of whisky--Hayden's gift. Next came out the question mark shaped candles she had made earlier. Each candle bore the name of all the ladies on the roster; next she sat the antique silver bowl that held the golden matches she stole from the Chinese place down the street from her house. Ok, stealing was wrong but she had left a really big tip! The next gift was for MacNair; Vidalia carefully removed the leather bound book that held all of MacNair's stories in beautiful script complete with eight by ten color photos of Connor, except for the motorcycle pose and the sleeping pose that were in use elsewhere. Last came the a hand written card that read, I've not met everyone so I don't know you, but think of these candles as my way of saying 'thank you' and I'd like to get to know each of you, gratefully yours Vidalia.

With that done, she picked up the flashlight and headed down the hallway to the closet. Dropping down on her knees, she lowered her face to the floor. Peering under the closet door, she could see no light. Caution had to be her guide in the delivery of this gift, so with steady hands she removed the tiny power saw and began to cut a mouse size chunk from the closet door. Sweat beaded on her forehead and rolled down into her eyes stinging and clouding her contacts.

She stopped when the hole was completed and listened to make sure that there was no sound. Pulling the backpack open, she removed the last of the gifts. A small stone in the shape of a serpents head, a small pine cone fully opened, and a large chunk of dark emerald green glass that had been worn smooth by years of waves rolling over it. The stone and the glass came from the shore of Loch Linnehe and the pinecone came from the shoreline of Loch Shiel. Vidalia was sure that these were harmless enough items for k'lynn and Vidalia really did want to make friends with everybody, even those who they kept locked in the closet. Although the items weren't expensive they were very precious to Vidalia.

Carefully sliding the items through the hole, Vidalia replaced the chunk she'd cut out and sealed it back with the Elmer's wood glue that was suppose to safe for pets and children. She wasn't exactly sure where k'lynn fit into those categories but she'd think about that later. Right now she had to get out of here before she was caught and had to explain. Rising to her feet, she turned and headed back down the hall.

Something stopped her at the door on her left. Without thinking exactly, her hand reached for the door knob and she soundlessly turned it. She did not stop to correct herself or analyze why she was doing this.

The breath exited her body in a sudden rush, her face paled and her mouth went dry due to the fact that all the moisture in her body concentrated itself in another area of her anatomy.

Connor MacLeod lay sleeping on a bed that had walked right out of every woman's most imitate fantasy. His face was peaceful in sleep and incredibly sexy, his hand lay next to him on the pillow and Vidalia guess that somewhere in that huge bed there was a dragonhead katana sword too. She scrutinized the image--burning it on her brain for later consideration and as quietly as she had opened the door, she closed it and returned back to the hallway.

Moving back through the kitchen, Vidalia prudently locked the door behind her and headed towards the gate this time instead of climbing the wall surrounding the pool. Leaving the yard she decided to run the rest of the way, glad she had worn her black running shorts and white Reeboks she sprinted easily, laughing to herself, as she passed over the bridge and saw that the beer was missing from the rock. She had a feeling that she and the dragon of the moat were going to get along just fine.

Jogging down the drive, she reached the point where she would have to dive back through the blue circle that would spiral her back into her locked office. She stopped for a moment just to catch a quick breath before plunging back into the circle.

Deciding not to look back, she was poised for her jump when a pair of very strong arms encircled her waist and pulled her back through the opening. Twisting in mid fall hadn't been too intelligent as now she was on her back in the grass, which on a good day would have been pleasant. But not right at the moment, she was terrified to open her eyes to the stars that she knew would be dancing around her head, which had taken quiet a thump when she landed.

Gingerly she opened her eyes to meet the dark eyes of one angry Highlander. Duncan, oh lord! she thought, why can't I ever remember the fact that when one Highlander sleeps, there's one awake?

"Who are you and what were you doing leering at my kinsman?" he demanded with a handsome face mere inches from hers. Somewhere in her befuddled brain, she was frantically searching for a plausible explanation. She really hadn't been leering, lusting maybe, but she didn't leer.

They both heard the shouting at the same time. Rising to his feet, Duncan pulled Vidalia up with him and he turned towards the shouts coming from the compound.

For a brief second, he released Vidalia's arm and--quick as a wink--she dove back into the blue circle! Sliding along the blue lighting, she ended up in pretty much the same position as she had started and swiftly she punched the power off button and collapsed to the floor gasping.

She was going to have some serious explaining to do.

~finis~
Vidalia
March 1, 2003

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